Did I Never Post These?

My mom sent the birthday people a package! Allan, Brooklyn, and Ember got birthday gifts and Sierra, Payson, and Everett got a couple little treats, too. Everyone was thrilled that day!

My mom called to ask what I thought Ember would want and for the first time in a long time I knew exactly what a kid of mine would want. My kids usually like EVERYTHING so it’s easy to just say, “literally any toy that exists.” But Ember has been really wanting a baby that drinks and pees and I couldn’t find one in our local stores!! We have limited selection here in Post Falls but my mom found the perfect one! Ember was SO excited when she opened it!

Brooke immediately watched her movie, which she loved, and has used that flashlight a LOT. Like, a really lot.

Gorgeous Day

We went for a family walk over at the lake. It was a gorgeous fall day!

So clearly we had a lot of fun looking through those telescope things and taking pictures. We headed up a hill next. We spotted a squirrel.

Then we hiked down to the lake and threw rocks in the water.

Everett was super excited to point out all the birds. This toddler loves animals and birds and bugs and yeah, anything alive 🙂

Meeting Allan for Lunch

It felt awkward meeting Allan for lunch this day. A lot of what I did in those first days after discovering his lies was just going through the motions. I didn’t know that I should have just been protecting myself. I still tried to pretend all was well. But being around him was often traumatizing. In public it was worse.

So that’s what went on with me internally during this lunch. I’m guessing the kids had fun and Allan had a good time without a clue of the blackness he’d injected into his wife’s brain. He wasn’t very supportive at that time. (These photos are from October 2nd)

Back then especially picking up my camera to take pictures was just going through the motions. I had no desire (which is so odd for me) but felt like I should. Even taking pictures of Allan… I do it for his sake and most especially for my kids’ sake. I don’t want to deprive them of memories that exist. To them this day is probably a good memory. I feel now like that gives me hope for them. I feel like an empty shell but hopefully doing things was enough that this time period won’t traumatize them for the rest of their lives.

Everett was pretty cranky, as he is most of his life, so I gave him this basket filled with crackers to play with. It helped momentarily.

Everett was excited about the fries! I’d also had the salad bar option and he ate two huge servings of potato salad!