It’s Finally Friday!!

Gosh, this week seemed to go on forever!! I’m so glad it’s the weekend!! I’ve missed Allan this week!
We’re setting up Everett’s crib this weekend. I wonder if he’ll use it. I’m not planning on co-sleeping over crib sleeping but, if I’m tired and I get more sleep with him in my bed that’s exactly where he’ll be. I’m sure he’ll sleep a lot in his bouncy chair or swing, too! I’m excited to get his crib set up, though. If not for any other reason than having a place to put his sheets/blankets rather than in a box on my bedroom floor.

Everyone in this house is getting baby crazy now. We’ve all been excited all along but seeing that count down chain shrink and saying things like, “In 11 days we’ll be holding our baby!” has caused an anticipation frenzy! We’re all excited and impatient! It’s hard to talk about much else. At least for me. And the kids bring it up just as often as I do, putting their hands on my belly and telling me, “I just can’t wait! I just can’t believe he’s coming so soon!”  photo 030eresized_zps2bb13ba5.jpg photo 037eresized_zps4e303155.jpg

A simple update on potty training… Ember’s been fully potty trained for 11 days now! She hasn’t had any accidents and though I put a diaper or pullup on her for nights she is always totally dry in the mornings. It’s adorable when she wakes up and heads to the potty first thing.
She went through a brief phase where she was changing her underwear each and every time she peed, I’m guessing because she was excited about her new undies I bought, but now she wears one pair all day. She does still change her clothes often throughout the day but she’s always done that!  photo 058eresized_zps0fb538d3.jpg

We bring her Dora bag to every doctor appointment now. The simple supplies I bring are:
-a sippy cup of water
-a single serve pack of annie’s bunny crackers
-a lollipop
-a small toy (usually my little pony)
-a sheet of stickers
-a small notebook
-four or five crayons

She’s started bringing her bag on all our errands now. It’s so cute when we’re getting ready to go and she says, “Oh, I need to get my Dora bag!” and runs off for it.
She called it her purse for a while and then she called it her backpack for a while after that but now it’s her Dora bag. While I’m rambling about this I’ll go ahead and mention she used to call my purse my backpack when the kids first started school. She’s just so fun!
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She falls asleep every time we run errands. Mostly for only ten minutes or so. She wakes up and wants me to hold her for five or ten minutes while she wakes up. She’s super snuggly in those first few minutes 🙂  photo 064eresized_zpsd2ba385d.jpg photo 068eresized_zps18e744f6.jpg

The last time she wore lipgloss she purposefully kissed her baby to share it. Her baby’s mouth was still pretty shiny from that day so when she went to kiss her baby she hesitated and said she didn’t want to ruin her baby’s lipgloss. I told her it was fine because she was just sharing lipgloss like me and her do! (She asks me to kiss her every time I wear lip stuff of any kind, after I do she rubs her lips together and smiles and says, “Now we the same!”)  photo 088eresized_zpsd441c8d4.jpg photo 091eresized_zps6752a697.jpg

Being Friday I went ahead and chose the easy way out for dinner.  photo 104eresized_zps3ae97ac7.jpg

Payson had a bean and cheese burrito I made with some tortillas I bought at Costco. When I saw the gluten-free tortillas and bent them and noticed they held their shape without cracking apart (like all other gluten-free crap I’ve tried) I about peed my pants with excitement. And he loves those tortillas so they’ve pretty much been my favorite food item of the year!  photo 110eresized_zpsc7cbd9f3.jpg

Payson’s in a “bad” phase. 3 days so far. He seems to be grabbing his ear at times, I don’t know if that’s just a knew comfort thing or an sign of an ear infection so I’m taking him to the doctor today. I am tired. Last night, luckily, he only woke up 4 times.

If I go to the doctor today I promise to take pictures and post them today. There- I can’t break promises, so now I’m forced to blog!

Ariana and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

On my period
Payson woke up about 20 times last night (unfortunately that’s not an exaggeration)
Messy house
Husband wanting to go to the lake
Feeling ugly
Feeling fat, though I’m eating super healthy- and not skipping meals anymore either.
Feeling like Payson will never be normal
Wishing I could go ONE day without hearing crying, screaming, whining and complaining. ONE day.

Payson can’t be babysat right now, either. I’m totally stuck with him 100% of the time because he absolutely refuses to let anyone else feed him. He’s not nursed, but he still only accepts a bottle from me. ANNOYING. He won’t even take baby food from anyone else. He’s such a weird baby!

Allan can’t even let me sleep in because Payson will just cry and cry because he wants to be fed or held a certain way or because Allan can’t read his cues like I can. Everything with Payson is so PARTICULAR. You have to hold your arm just the right way behind his head while he eats. You have to hold the bottle at the right angle and push it in his mouth the right way. You have to hold him a certain way when he burps, you have to know which cry and scream mean what and which thing will calm him down.

I’m the only one that knows these things and I HATE it. I try to tell Allan, but you can’t TELL someone how to hear certain cries or how to determine what he wants when what that would take is HOURS and DAYS and WEEKS and MONTHS of being with him to understand.

We were supposed to go to the lake today, but I’m so exhausted that I don’t even want to. It takes so much work with 3 kids to make trips fun, that the work part is outweighing the fun part for ME today so I don’t want to go. I wish I could go. I wish I could go and swim and goof around without having to hold a baby. Actually I just wish I could do ANYTHING without having to hold a baby.

People around me don’t take me very seriously when I say I’m done having kids, but if they saw one glimpse of my feelings on the subject they’d see that I would go TODAY, right this SECOND and get my tubes tied if I wasn’t so afraid of surgery because of my blood condition.

Payson is Driving me CRAZY!

Seriously I’m losing my mind with this kid! For 4 months I’ve had to take care of him and it’s abnormally difficult. He refuses to drink a bottle now and thrashes and screams and kicks and pumps his fist and sticks his tongue out as far as he can so I can’t put the bottle in his mouth.

The rest of this is VERY long and VERY “ventish” so I wouldn’t bother reading, but I’m NOT going to delete it because I want to be able to look back and see what I had to go through.

I’m so sick of the doctors I saw that refused to even THINK about reflux and demanded that we wait until he’s 3 months old to start looking into things. I’m SO pissed at them. I’m SO mad at my phone that can’t keep a signal out here. I’m going to WalMart today to buy a home phone and phone card and I’m tempted to throw my cell out the window and drive over it! Aaaargh!!

I’m sick of holding a squirming fussing baby all day. I’m sick of him not being normal. Brooklyn was a hard enough baby- NORMAL hard- high maintenance hard, but at least she’d calm down if I held her or nursed her.

Payson just sits and squirms and SQUIRMS constantly. Mostly he arches his back and cries. Seriously, guys, he has every symptom on the silent reflux website and I’ve TOLD doctors that, but they were DEAD set on not doing anything until he’s the magical 3 months old because it might be colic. Well, colic is just a word that doctor’s throw out to be lazy. Stupid doctors.

The next doctor I get will be grilled with questions before I settle down with one!! Like- um, hey are you gonna let my baby cry hysterically for 2 months and then cry and fuss constantly for another month just because you have that happy little label called COLIC floating around?

Yesterday afternoon he was doing ok for a while and I thought maybe I was getting lucky and he was going to be good for a few days, but NOPE, he’s been TERRIBLE this morning. He just cries and fusses and squirms. Then I’m so mad at him I just stick him in his bouncy chair since holding him obviously doesn’t calm him down and I’m staring at him wondering what in the heck is wrong with him and then he gives me a huge grin. Then two seconds later he arches his back and starts whining. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!

I tried calling on both my phones to the doctor and 4 times, FOUR, my signal gets cut out in the middle of the conversation! Ugh!
So- I have to waste $5 in gas and drive into town just so I can make a phone call.

Really I just feel like going into a coma I’m so tired of all this. My life has been SO hard. I feel like I complain constantly, but man- I’m so sick of holding a baby every second of the day. And really, holding a baby isn’t that bad for me- my back hurts but not that big of a deal, but holding a CRANKY baby is frustrating. Never knowing what’s wrong with him is frustrating.

We finally got our insurance information a few days ago for Arizona, which is why just now I’m getting to schedule a dr. appointment. I’m just SO worried the doctor is going to shrug it off since he’s “gaining weight”. That’s all they care about- that he’s fat. Well, he’s fat because of hours and hours of effort on my part. Sometimes he hasn’t eaten for 6 hours and I KNOW he’s hungry because he’s chewing on everything in sight and crying. I have to sing and rock him and hold the bottle PERFECTLY just to get him to drink and then he only drinks 2 or 3 ounces! Aaah!

He does drink really well at night which is why he’s so fat. He wakes up every 2-3 hours STILL and drinks 6 ounces each time. I’ve been giving him baby food the last couple days just so that he shuts up from hunger. He likes apples and oatmeal, but then he freaks out when he poops because those cause more action in your intestines and he’s extremely sensitive about the slightest bubble in his stomach.

I’m so sick of babies! I feel like going down tomorrow and getting anything and everything that’s even remotely associated with reproduction removed from my body. Stupid uterus.

Well, I REALLY have to go because Payson is crying. Imagine that.

We shall call him crankypants

Because colic boy doesn’t quite work anymore. Colic brings to mind images and sounds of a screaming, inconsolable baby. Payson screams quite a bit but is not inconsolable anymore. I have quite the bag of tricks and typically the third or fourth option in the bag will work 😀
Thank goodness for technology. My very favorite soothers are (in order):

Moby Wrap
Sounds CD
Vibrating bouncy chair
Swing (he tolerates it now)
Play gym
Little People sing along CD

-If he’s in his bouncy chair or laying on his toy gym he has to have the LP sing along CD going or else he cries.
-If he’s laying in his reclined bouncy chair or in bed or in his swing he has to have the sounds CD on or he cries.
-If he is in the moby wrap I have to be walking or I have to be holding the binky in his mouth or he cries.

But if these conditions are met he is a “happy” (at least quiet) baby and if tired will fall asleep. Getting him to stay asleep is another matter. grrr


We moved the playroom into the study so that the girls wouldn’t keep waking Payson up all day (his crib was on the other side of the wall shared with Sierra’s room).

They love it. They especially love their new train table.

Kinda journally ahead, you’ve been warned 😀
Payson is on day 3 of being “good”. He gets cranky when he’s tired or hungry, but it’s normal cranky which is a world different than colic cranky. Normal cranky just means he wants me to hold him or talk to him or put him down for a nap.
Yesterday he slept awful again. He would fall asleep for 10 minutes and wake up crying.

I got this sound CD last night with hair dryer, vacuum, heartbeat, and rain soundtracks and he LOVES it. He took a 2 hour nap today! That’s never happened since he was born unless I was holding him in the moby wrap, and even then I think his longest nap was an hour.
He woke up and ate and I just laid him back in his crib and turned the CD back on and he’s just sitting there calmly looking around.

I don’t know if this is all just because it’s a “good” day and tomorrow or the next day will be bad again, but I’d like to at least hope it’ll continue to help him sleep.

Don’t wanna go to bed

Payson is fighting sleep. Yesterday between 7am and 11pm he only slept for an hour and a half total! No joke. It was really stressful.

He then slept with me in bed from midnight to 5:30. Then he ate and we went back to bed until 8am. He was up for about 3 hours this morning, refusing to sleep again. I went to Target and he finally fell asleep in the moby wrap while I walked around. He slept for an hour between driving and shopping.
Just now I’ve spent an hour trying to get him to sleep with no luck. He’s driving me crazy! I know he’s exhausted but nothing will put him to sleep- not even moby wrapping him and vacuuming! I wish that baby sounds CD I ordered would get here.

Here are all 3 of the kids before heading to Target. Poor Sierra wasn’t in a good mood.

What I see 90% of the time.

I tried to take a couple to show how big he is.

Small smile.

Edited to add: an hour and 45 minutes after posting this and he is FINALLY asleep. Now how long do you think he’ll sleep for? My guess is 10 minutes.

Payson likes to make life exciting.

Payson was even worse today than yesterday. That was a joyous surprise. Not.
He kept things even more interesting by deciding for each nap he wanted to be soothed in a different way.

First nap (length 5 minutes) the only thing that worked was holding him and rocking him with a binky.

Second nap (length 7 minutes) freaked out when I tried to rock him with a binky. Tried the moby wrap he freaked out again. Tried the swing- he fell asleep.

Third nap (length- 4 minutes and counting) tried the swing, he hated it. Tried rocking him with a binky. He hated it. Tried laying down with him on my bed- he hated it. Tried the moby wrap. He loved it and was out within 5 seconds. He is currently sleeping in the moby wrap as I type.

Hating life in his usual happy place.

Taking a catnap.

Wisely using the 5 minutes he slept to read to Brooklyn.

At least one of my children is sleeping.
Wouldn’t it be lovely if I could fall to sleep tonight (no doubt on the couch while bouncing Payson) and wake up and it’s 5 years later? Yeah, or even 25 years later and one of my kids has a child and I can just have the kid for a day or so and then give it back? Yep, that’s my tiny, tiny wish to the universe.