Did I Never Post These?

My mom sent the birthday people a package! Allan, Brooklyn, and Ember got birthday gifts and Sierra, Payson, and Everett got a couple little treats, too. Everyone was thrilled that day!

My mom called to ask what I thought Ember would want and for the first time in a long time I knew exactly what a kid of mine would want. My kids usually like EVERYTHING so it’s easy to just say, “literally any toy that exists.” But Ember has been really wanting a baby that drinks and pees and I couldn’t find one in our local stores!! We have limited selection here in Post Falls but my mom found the perfect one! Ember was SO excited when she opened it!

Brooke immediately watched her movie, which she loved, and has used that flashlight a LOT. Like, a really lot.

Gorgeous Day

We went for a family walk over at the lake. It was a gorgeous fall day!

So clearly we had a lot of fun looking through those telescope things and taking pictures. We headed up a hill next. We spotted a squirrel.

Then we hiked down to the lake and threw rocks in the water.

Everett was super excited to point out all the birds. This toddler loves animals and birds and bugs and yeah, anything alive ๐Ÿ™‚

Meeting Allan for Lunch

It felt awkward meeting Allan for lunch this day. A lot of what I did in those first days after discovering his lies was just going through the motions. I didn’t know that I should have just been protecting myself. I still tried to pretend all was well. But being around him was often traumatizing. In public it was worse.

So that’s what went on with me internally during this lunch. I’m guessing the kids had fun and Allan had a good time without a clue of the blackness he’d injected into his wife’s brain. He wasn’t very supportive at that time. (These photos are from October 2nd)

Back then especially picking up my camera to take pictures was just going through the motions. I had no desire (which is so odd for me) but felt like I should. Even taking pictures of Allan… I do it for his sake and most especially for my kids’ sake. I don’t want to deprive them of memories that exist. To them this day is probably a good memory. I feel now like that gives me hope for them. I feel like an empty shell but hopefully doing things was enough that this time period won’t traumatize them for the rest of their lives.

Everett was pretty cranky, as he is most of his life, so I gave him this basket filled with crackers to play with. It helped momentarily.

Everett was excited about the fries! I’d also had the salad bar option and he ate two huge servings of potato salad!

Ember got a Sucker and We Went to Wal-Mart!

Ember’s birthday is two days after Allan’s. She spotted this lollipop with that unicorn attacked at Cabela’s and begged for it for her birthday. The kids ask for those particular toys/suckers every time we go there and with her birthday only two days away I couldn’t say no this time!

Allan had noticed a praying mantis outside our door for three days in a row. It was just laying there in the same exact spot for a long time. He was worried it was dying and moved it to a bush in the front yard. He was so hopeful when it started looking around and held itself up. He told me he thought it might live now. He was watching it to see if it would move.

I hear, “Mom, look! Mom! Look at me!” And wasn’t disappointed when I looked over! Ember asked me to take pictures of her like this.

I swear the last two weeks my kids have been messier than they ever have been before. My house gets trashed on an hourly basis.

We were 100% out of food since I’d been avoiding the store the last few weeks since it gives me extreme anxiety as I navigate some PTSD I’m going through… I finally made myself go to the store!

Anyway we stocked up on food and I bought all of Ember’s birthday stuff. The night before her birthday!!

Back to our Favorite State Park

Most hikes Allan ends up holding a tired Ember half the time. This time we let her sit in the stroller and Allan held Everett!

Ember used a stick to pretend to sweep this entire area we were hanging out at. There was a bench there and the kids were sick to death of hiking (mostly Ember and Everett) so we just stopped and spent time there. Ember cleared pretty much every pine needle out of the area! She was very determined!

Everett got the idea to throw rocks from the bench area we were sitting at into the trees below. We were on a hill so it was fun for him to watch it fly out of sight. He did that for a long time and got excited and proud of himself each time!

I set up the camera and timer to show us all looking off at the lake, which is what we were doing, but then everyone ran off right then to do other things and I didn’t want a picture of me just standing there alone so I just bent over and showed my rock. lol

Allan was kneeling in front of some stairs because Everett really wanted to climb down them but they were steep and dangerous.

Ember and Everett spent lots of time picking up stuff off the ground around them and throwing it off the deck we were on.

Someone texted me. Everett heard my phone beep from the stroller and helpfully went to retrieve it. If I don’t look at my phone when it beeps he gets really annoyed! haha! He likes me checking those messages!

He found a big stick and was happy about waving it around like a sword. He hit a bunch of things with it making a sword poking sound each time.

Allan Takes a Day Off and I Take a Hundred Pictures!

Allan took a Wednesday off work and we went for a hike atย  our favorite state park. Then we picked up Brooke from school and went to Cafe Rio. Then Brooke had young women’s and while she was in young women’s we went to Wal-Mart for groceries.

It was quite chilly when we got to the trail and Ember didn’t have a sweater! We’re still adjusting to the weather suddenly being fall-like and not summer-like anymore! I let Ember wear my sweater and I just had a tank top! I was chilly!

The kids were using all the sticks and rocks as weapons. It was adorable.

Usually Allan wears Everett but I wore him this time. He kept me warm!

I couldn’t stop taking pictures of Ember hiking around in my sweater. I loved how she looked swimming in it! haha!

Running to catch up to daddy!

The trail went right by the lake.

Everett woke up from his long nap near the last part of the hike.

The clouds moved in, that was cool.

Look what Allan got! I love this picture!

Allan took this, too!

We drove to Brooke’s school to get her and then went straight to Cafe Rio! Allan took these next two pictures while I was ordering the food.

This is when Everett saw me walking back from ordering. He lit up and smiled and waved! AWWW! So glad Allan took this!

When we were getting ready to go Payson and Ember went outside (there was a door right next to our table) and did funny faces and made up sign language through the window ๐Ÿ™‚

And lastly we went to Wal-Mart that night. It was a fun, busy day!