Sad

Sad sad sad. She was sad.

She was the only one in her head. In her inner world, her real world.

Everyone else knocked but she wouldn’t let them in. She leaned her head on the inside of the door and cried and cried. Wishing they could break it down and grab her and tell her a truth different than the one she saw. Thought.

She wanted to be rescued from the prison she built. She’d called it a fortress when wars were coming. Huge armies headed toward her and only her and she didn’t know why. Was everyone else safe in their minds? Did everyone else fling open their doors and love? Did they touch each other and smile and stare into each others’ eyes. Did they see each other for real? In person, face to face?

She thought they did. She imagined them out there in their perfect world together and she was in her mind. Door bolted shut and locked from the inside. Safe from the armies but shut in and out of the big, bold world. It wasn’t magic in her mind. It wasn’t new or fun or soft or safe after all. It was a prison. She’d escaped death to live a jailed life.

Was her self-imposed destiny permanent? She told herself to open the door but she couldn’t. She had thousands of little chains on her arms. She’d reach and reach for the door locks and never reach them. Her chains were important and strong. One was engraved with, “Remember the 5 teenage boys?” Another was engraved with, “Remember her hatred as she screamed?” Another, “He was eating you all up he loved you so.” Another, “He’s watching you drown.” Another, “No one sees you. You walk in front of them and are invisible.”

There are thousands of little chains, each with an engraved message, holding her arms back, leaving her hands just inches from the locks. The chains and the locks keep her safe from more chains. They keep her crying at the door, safe from anyone that would hate her, and separated from anyone that would love her.

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