First off, um, classic Lyla. Take noodles out of bowl and lay them on the table to eat.
So this next picture is of a bunch of cheapy but cool toys I bought at WalMart for Lyla. Seeing this gave me a huge wave of anxiety. (It’s been 5 months since then)
My ex, the kids’ dad, took me back to mediation to make changes to our custody arrangement. It was a huge battle. Disagreements. Frustration for me. Obviously I can’t share a lot about it but it was so bad.
One small part of the anxiety I had was leaving Lyla with a sitter while we went back to mediation. Children weren’t allowed in the appointment so I had to either find a sitter or leave Lyla with Brooklyn. Brooklyn has never babysat the kids, despite practically everyone I know telling me to leave them with her. She is dealing with a WORLD of issues of her own and I’m going to leave 5 kids with her? No.
But the OTHER option was magically find someone I trust. I don’t know if you are new or have followed along but I lost all my friends in my divorce and have yet to make a deep connection with anyone new. Sure I’ve had new friends and dated people (not that I’d EVER leave my kids with a man, nor even introduce them to anyone I date) but no one I trust.
So I asked Brooklyn what she thought about watching all the kids for a few hours. I told her they could watch movies and I’d buy brand new toys she could open up and that it should be okay because of that, and I’d pay her, and she seemed totally into it. So- at least that problem was “solved.”
And by solved I mean I still hated it and felt anxious the whole time I was in the appointment. BUT did you know that when you do mediation you can be in a separate room from your ex? I didn’t know that and wasn’t excited about having to sit at a table with him watching him lie, which is what I assumed would happen, but instead I got to be in a room and talk to the mediator alone. She went back and forth quite a few times as we worked things out.
Nothing about the appointment went well for me. But whatever. Am I still angry? Yes. Very frustrated with the legal system I’m in. But whatever. I try not to think about it. I try to just be the best mom I can possibly be when I have my kids and be thankful it’s not worse.