Going on Right Now

I let my kids decide dinners this week. This is our menu that we went shopping for yesterday:

Tonight: chicken pot pie
Wednesday: asian lettuce wraps
Thursday: pancakes, sausage, and eggs
Friday: rotisserie chicken and potatoes

Something making me sad and causing me to use all my anxiety calm down tools from therapy is: my husband got a lawyer and filed for divorce behind my back.
Something make me happy this week is the baby kicking so hard I can feel it from the outside and very soon I get the really cute ultrasound… where you can see their face clearly and all that.

Things going on: yesterday: I went to the doctor to have a lump on my neck checked out. All 5 kids were home since we’re all sick so that was an adventure. I then had to go to the pharmacy to have an iron prescription filled since I’m severely anemic. I have to have an extra obgyn appointment this week since I’ve lost 6 pounds and can’t gain it back (from stress)

Today the kids are all home again. I need to call and schedule a dentist appointment for myself and I need to find a babysitter! I don’t know how to do that. Advice? I’m super picky because I’m paranoid my kids will be molested. By pretty much everyone. Yeah, I’m overprotective.

I have to go to the bank today to figure out what’s going on. My husband opened his own account (the day he got the divorce filed) and took half our savings and put it in his own account. He says he left half the savings but I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on… I’m not sure what to do about the mortgage and all the other bills either. He didn’t talk to me about any of this, just separated our money and I’m left completely clueless on what to do financially right now. Did this happen to anyone else? What should I do?

If I can’t find a babysitter today I’m going to have to cancel my therapy appointment tonight and I really don’t want to because I’m in desperate need of advice.

When a lawyer showed up at my door out of the blue one afternoon to serve me the divorce papers I had a nervous breakdown. I cried for hours before finally calling my mom when I couldn’t take the anxiety anymore. She told me lots of things and gave me lots of good scriptures that helped me feel better. This one scripture she told me in 2 Timothy I looked up while we were talking and laughed because I’d previously highlighted the entire chapter!

15 thoughts on “Going on Right Now

  • I would be the least-helpful person when it comes to financial stuff…Calvin has always managed our money and paid our bills, so I'd be left not having any idea what to do too. I hope someone can hop in with good advice.I just am continually left speechless when I read about Allan and how he's acting. I can not believe him…I just can't. I probably better just leave it at that because if I typed out all of the horrible things swirling around in my head right now, people would think I was crazy. Just know that I'm always thinking of you and hoping that you're doing okay.

  • You should retain your own attorney immediately. You have 5 children and one on the way and do not work outside the home. He will owe you endless amounts of child support until all the kids are 18, plus alimony. Make sure you fight for what is yours and do not let him take advantage. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong and fight back!

  • I guess I'm still hoping he'll come around and drop the legal crap and we can settle this without lawyers. I'm pretty flexible and would like an easy split. I hope that's his goal, too.I'll have to get an attorney if he doesn't cancel the divorce papers. I have to legally respond to them by February 11th at the latest.

  • Honestly? You need to forget about him and think about your kids and you first. GET A LAWYER ASAP! He cannot do anything with the finances, like he already has done, once you get an attorney. Every state is different with support guidelines but you will get alimony plus child support plus keep medical for your kids and you while you're pregnant. I'm not going to lie, you are in for a rough road. You have to get tough! But you can do it, you have to do it, you have no choice. I went through it but many years ago. Don't wait another day. Get yourself a lawyer!

  • And I don't mean to be harsh either. I went through this and I know all the feelings you're going through. Its so tough I know, but you can do it. And I know it's easier said then done but you have to be strong and stay strong. For yourself. For your kids. You have to fight and be stronger than you've ever been before. Also document everything! I would tell you more advice, what I had to do, but idk if your ex is reading this. You can do this! I'm really sorry you're going through this. Get your own lawyer ASAP.

  • Trust me you don't sound harsh, I really appreciate the passion in your concern for me. Allan doesn't read this but his sister-in-law does and tells him what I write whenever she thinks it'll start a fire.I saw my therapist tonight and we talked for the full hour about what I should do. She agrees that if he and I can't make a plan to divorce without lawyers, and go together to get it all straightened out, I need to get an attorney quickly.I really truly don't want lawyers involved, of course I'll get one if I have to but, we're still talking about it. There is no hurry. We don't even have to get divorced right now, it wouldn't change a thing except give us a pile of paperwork and stress and legal stuff to take care of. I think we should just stay how we are (me in a house with the kids and him in an apartment) and wait until he's further in recovery and I'm further into my therapy to deal with betrayal trauma.But, I only control me. If he doesn't like that plan I will get an attorney. He's coming over tonight (hopefully) to talk about it and make a plan. I'll keep this blog updated as things happen.Again, thanks for the concern. It means a lot in this traumatic and painful time.

  • I'm so sorry to hear of everything going on in your life right now. I've followed your blog for years (I have 4 kids the same ages as your oldest 4) and have always admired your strength and honesty. I just randomly thought of you today and googled to see if you were blogging again. I will be praying for you and your sweet kids. I can't imagine the pain and just craziness you guys are going through. Thanks for blogging again and letting us into your world. There are strength in numbers and I think you have quite a few virtual "friends" who care about you and will be praying for you. Lori

  • Thank you, I feel like just crawling into a hole and hiding from the world sometimes but that doesn't help anything. Reaching out and connecting is the most healing thing people can do. Thanks for the comment and nice to see you on my new blog 🙂

  • Ariana, Oh, I am so sorry for all of this! I am not where you are. I will only give you what I 'see' from this side. As you've noted in the past few posts, Allen's walk does not line up with his talk. He said that you guys would work this out without a lawyer (at least from what your post said), and then went behind your back and got a lawyer. The only thing I would say at this point is to protect yourself. I KNOW you want to hope for the best. I've been there. For some reason about 6 months ago, when I found out again my husband was looking at 'stuff', my eye's were opened so to speak. I realized that we played this 'game' of sorts. And I decided that I wasn't going to play that game anymore. It has been hard. It's hard to see when the game starts to play again since I've been involved in it for so long (married for 20 years, but together for 23). Allen has totally betrayed you and broken your trust, and in your most vulnerable moments he is 'attacking' again. I am not saying he isn't wanting to be healed/restored, but his actions are speaking louder than his words right now. When my husband first started seeking help, he was declaring loud and clear that he was a changed man, but ALL of his actions were the same! Very, very frustrating to say the least. Months later, his actions are starting to line up with his talk, and I don't doubt that he was 'thinking' differently months ago, but he certainly wasn't able to live it. Anyways, since there is so much at stake at the moment, do seek some outside help, even if to consult with a lawyer to know what you are up against legally speaking. I will continue to pray for peace, wisdom and healing for you!! Blessings,Kerri

  • Hey Ariana, I've been following your blog since 2Peas days and I've commented here and there…but I just have to comment again on this….I cannot believe that he would halve your bank accounts without talking to you, when he was the one who was unfaithful!! That is lowest of the low. You are left to take care of the 5 (almost 6) kids you share together, and he leaves you with that?! That's so not right. I agree with the above to secure your own lawyer ASAP…don't be so trusting anymore…all bets are off and I'd urge you to consider yourself and your kids first, and don't rely on him based on his word anymore. As a child of a rough divorce, it can get ugly quick and a lawyer is the only way you'll be guaranteed rights and compensation. Hugs to you. You can do this.

  • the heartbreak just keeps happening. I haven't been through this personally, but my sister is going through a divorce. She also wanted to be trusting and not use lawyers, but found her husband hiding money (in cash in a safe in his office as well as in accounts) and doing other things to avoid paying her what is her due. I saw you posted he was supposed to come over and discuss things. If he hasn't set you up with a regular payment schedule, you need to call a lawyer and make it happen. You can't mess around with your finances with your kids and your pregnancy. Thinking of you and praying for the best.

  • First off I am happy to see you back to blogging and I really hope that as you are going through such a horrible time in your life that we as a "community" can help and support you. Second off, what a CRAPPY and incredibly unfair time you are having to deal with. Standing up, being prepared and not blindsided is not distrust, it's not being a bad person…it is taking care of what matters most to you, it is about knowing what could happen and being prepared and powerful…lawyers can give you the support you need right now. I've read through all of your previous posts….trying to catch up with your beautiful family who have grown up soooo much since you went private. I was preparing for my Visiting Teaching message this week and I read this talk and kept thinking about you. You may not be at this point yet, and that's okay, but I thought I would share this with you. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/stand-strong-against-the-wiles-of-the-world?lang=engYou are an incredibly strong woman that I really have loved watching develop and grow over these years, you have taught me so much about being a wonderful mother completely devoted to your babies. 🙂 Cry when you need to cry and be strong when you need to be strong. Hugs and virtual prayers for you and your family.

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