A Struggle with Weddings

It’s so painful now that when I see an engagement announcement or wedding photos my heart is filled with bitterness and pain and I only ever think, “Just a matter of time before that jerk rips her heart out and smashes it into the ground.”

Will I always feel this way? Am I always going to be bitter and hateful toward men I don’t know? Will it always be that they’re guilty until proven innocent?

And will the pain ever, ever, ever lessen?!

Questions I’m not supposed to ask myself or dwell on but do sometimes in weak moments. Instead you’re supposed to focus on questions or feelings you have control over. Will I always feel like this? Not answerable. What can I do when I feel like this? Take care of myself, reach out to friends, hug my kids closer, write, listen to encouraging music about surviving heartbreak, paint, cook, and did I mention hug my kids?

I’m sick today. Being sick, very sick, weaknes me in every way. Normally I can tap into my emotional strength and move on after a good cry but when everything hurts and I’m physically weak and tired, emotions run wild and intense. Luckily illnesses don’t last forever.

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