Chasing

When my insides become so dark the last light of my soul leaks out of my eyes.
This is when I drive.
I drive to the light lingering in the sky.
I have no choice anymore,
I am drawn to the pale yellow beyond the road…
it’s out there…
it’s leaving me for good,
I’m sure.
So I chase it,
I chase the light and chase away the dark.
And I find brilliant brightness even as the sun slips beyond the hills and darkness appears in its place.
But the light didn’t escape.
I caught some.
And I keep it, deep inside,
slowly warming me for another day.

It’s been a busy summer. Chaotic. Never one second of peace for me with all five kids home and Allan traveling a lot and Ember and Everett not sleeping without me in bed with them.

Sometimes it’s way too much on my shoulders and to shake off the depression and trapped feeling I chase nature and its promise of freedom. I can see the sun setting… so pretty. So wild over the hills and so free. There are no confines in that sky…
so I chase it. I drive until I reach the edge of the city and I park the car in a random parking lot and watch the sky from a field.

Watching the sky as the sun sets in an empty field is what it takes sometimes. To ease away the crying that’s bubbling up below the surface. To ease the pressure of raising five kids.  photo 432eresized_zps4f16d0bd.jpg photo 434eresized_zps11db0702.jpg

The kids know none of this. They only know that after a super fun (for them, torture for me) shopping trip we drove over to a hill somewhere and got to play.  photo 450bwresized_zps8a4b374a.jpg  photo 452eresized_zpsbeebcdd3.jpg photo 457eresized_zps959451ae.jpg photo 458eresized_zpsbc1b44ae.jpg photo 464eresized_zps05e8503e.jpg photo 470eresized_zps629adccf.jpg photo 476eresized_zpse5c1cb2b.jpg photo 478eresized_zpsc9de197d.jpg photo 489eresized_zps445751f2.jpg photo 493eresized_zpsbfc3d514.jpg photo 528eresized_zps793eddd4.jpg

3 thoughts on “Chasing

  • The sky and the color of the grass in these photos….*sigh*….almost surreal looking. Stunning place to run off to. I know how you feel…when I leave for work at night I sometimes feel giddy, like I'm escaping a prison or something.

  • Awesome, awesome colors!
    I think a lot when I drive, too. Something about left-brained and right-brained I guess. Driving is very liberating.

  • Jordan, it was one of the most beautiful nights I've ever experienced. The entire sky was lit up in glowing yellow and orange and there was rain and the smell of rain but it was warm… just perfection!
    I can imagine the drive to work is awesome, too bad it's not followed by some alone time and some sleep for you!

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