I’d been dreading this day for a full year! As it got closer to the date I was both anxious to get it done so his finger bones wouldn’t permanently curve and deform needing more procedures as he grew, but also dreading it because surgery is terrifying for me. I was just terrified he’d die in surgery. Nothing anyone said comforted me in the slightest, either.
I said a prayer for him the day before and then Allan gave him a blessing. It was a good moment and made me feel better.
The night before his surgery as I laid breastfeeding him in bed we shared such a special moment. He was playing with my face and just staring deep into my eyes. We stayed like that for at least 20 minutes. I told him the story about finding out about his fingers and how he was going to have surgery and how he had to be very strong and heal well because I needed him so much. I told him he had to stay with me, to stay with me forever because I love him so much. He cuddled closer and looked up into my eyes again. It was, the best.
Leading up to the surgery the plan had been that I go to the hospital with Everett while Allan stayed home with the other four kids. I could have got a babysitter in theory but I don’t trust a soul on earth (besides my sisters and Allan’s parents) so I didn’t want to leave them with anyone but Allan.
As surgery got nearer I wondered why we couldn’t all just go. Yes, to some people it seems a circus to have a family of 7 prancing through the hospital but I thought maybe, just maybe, it could be a valuable experience for our children to go through with us.
I asked Allan if we could all go the hospital, expecting him to refuse because of the way our children might act (like psychotic people, lol) in a place where you should be reverent and calm… but he said yes right away! He was enthusiastic about having our entire family go through this together. I felt so much relief and happiness that he and the kids would be with me and that he wouldn’t feel like he was only doing it for me.
I’m not typing this story well but the energy in our family leading up to Everett’s surgery was so different than our usual family mood. We were closer and more supportive and it just felt so big. It felt like we were all just there for Everett and thinking about Everett… we felt like one entity and it was awesome. That mood has stuck around and we all feel lighter with this giant thing we’ve been planning for gone!
Anyway, back to surgery day! Everett was to stop breastmilk at 7am, we were to check in to the hospital at 9:15am. His surgery was supposed to start at 11:15am.
Sometime around 9:30 or 10am