I Was Happy Until I Died, But I’m Happy Again Now

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My mom sent the kids a Valentine’s package. I didn’t take pictures besides this next one because I took video instead. It was a cute package and filled with candy and Valentine’s socks and jewelry.  photo 013ecropresizedblur_zps776c6833.jpg

My mom sent Everett conversation hearts, too, just to not leave him out. I’ll probably take a picture of them for his album. haha (I over-photograph everything, yes)
She also got him some batman shoes that are pretty cute and that Payson is in love with.  photo 046eresized_zps2f1f16e8.jpg

I took four of the kids to Target and WalMart to get Valentine’s for school. Payson went with Allan to Bass Pro Shops!  photo 091eresized_zps88af50b4.jpg

Allan and the kids cleaned out our cars. My car was like a dumpster inside. I wish I cared, and on some level I’m sure I do, but my dirty car is the least of my worries on a daily basis.
However! It has been AMAZING driving around in a spotless car!! We’re trying really hard to keep it clean this time!  photo 093eresized_zpse97b975d.jpg photo 116eresized_zps17de5e3d.jpg photo 127eresized_zpsb0273e5b.jpg

Everett and I were out there for a bit. It was pretty dang cold (well mostly the wind was cold) and Everett was not loving it.  photo 135eresized_zpsd8dc7d53.jpg

I kept going back in the house for bits of time and then I’d come back out again. That’s why Everett’s in two different carriers in this post. haha!
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Payson got a much needed haircut. We’re back to his “old” style of haircut and we love it! He loves it, too.  photo 239eresized_zpse84712b9.jpg photo 304bwresized_zps39d4bbc1.jpg photo 310eresized_zps846a50b9.jpg

Everett loves his sleeper bed! He sleeps in this now for half the night by my bed. The other half of the night he’s in bed with me.
I heard him fussing in my room so went to check on him. By the time I got there about thirty seconds after his first fussing I found him like this:
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He totally put himself back to sleep sucking his thumb! I wonder if he’ll be a thumbsucker when he gets full hand control!
Speaking of hands. Today I’m calling a hand surgeon here in Colorado to set up an appointment about Everett’s syndactyly. Now that surgery is coming up really soon I’m starting to FREAK out. I do not want my baby son to have surgery. I hate this. I feel so bad for my poor baby and having surgery, being in pain, and then being in casts right during the time he’s learning to use his hands, and then the bandage changes and all that. It freaking sucks. I have, so far, told myself that I’m glad it’s not a life threatening condition he needs surgery for but lately it’s not helping… I’m just plain old sad that my son has to have surgery.  photo 240eresized_zps3120f2fe.jpg photo 242eresized_zps5787d0fd.jpg photo 243eresized_zps635d8e92.jpg

The other day Allan and I were talking about Everett’s upcoming surgery and I think it was Sierra who said, “But I don’t want him to have surgery. I think his fingers are cute the way they are.”
The kids mention his fingers once in a while but mostly we’re so used to them they don’t seem weird or different to us. I’m so used to holding his fingers as he nurses or sleeps on my lap, I can’t imagine holding his hands in a few months and experiencing a different feeling… not rubbing my finger on the space between his two connected fingers. It will be weird and though I know I’ll be thankful for surgery and the function and appearance being “normal” I know I’ll miss his hands the way they have been all along. I bet I’ll feel his scars between his fingers a lot in the future and feel sad for him. But you know, thankful he’ll have five full, separate fingers.  photo 253eresized_zpsc167958f.jpg

Ember was copying a silly face Brooke had done earlier. I video taped her being a weirdo (Brooke) and will share that some other time.  photo 325eresized_zpse4225c56.jpg

One thought on “I Was Happy Until I Died, But I’m Happy Again Now

  • I just about melted when I saw Everett sucking his thumb. They are just so angelic at this stage. I am often randomly overcome with a crazy amount of love for my little Asher. Moments like this are priceless.

    I'm so sorry for your heartache about the upcoming surgery. Bryce had surgery at 18 months. It breaks your heart to have to watch your baby go through surgery. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

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