Miserable. But what’s new, right?

I want to talk more about it but I don’t have anyone to talk to. I hate being made to feel worse about things. I’m just not going to talk to anyone anymore. I’ll just do what I always do and do the hard things and cry when I drive places or at night after the older kids are in bed and I’m breastfeeding Everett (all night). I guess life is really just meant to suck a lot forever.

Today I have to:
-Drive to the laundromat and do a lot of laundry
-Go to the kids’ new school and register them
-Clean this disgusting rental (as usual I didn’t go with the house I wanted and am regretting it, this rental is seriously disgusting)
-Buy food. Somehow figuring out what to cook with almost no dishes. It’d be easy if it wasn’t for the gluten/dairy allergies.
-Find a pediatrician for Everett and schedule an appointment.

I hope Everett doesn’t cry all day like he did yesterday. But considering he’s cried every second off the boob today already, my chances aren’t looking good.

22 thoughts on “Miserable. But what’s new, right?

  • If I was closer, I would be more then happy to help you out today. I live in Fort Collins, which depending on where you are in Denver is about an hour north of there. I hope that your PODS can be delivered this weekend.

  • It's ok to be upset. Any of us would be frustrated if we were in your shoes. Just do one thing at a time and if your list doesn't get finished then…oh well! If dinner doesn't get made then go out. If you don't find a pediatrician today, there's always tomorrow. Just take it an hour at a time and see what happens.

  • You have a lot on your plate. And everyone needs someone they can talk to. I have no idea how you get through each day, there is so much demanded of you. You are important, and I hope you can find time (even if it's just a few minutes here and there) to take for yourself. Brooke K is right, try to let things go if you can. Easier said than done, I'm sure. Hang in there, once you get your POD container and get that house cleaned, kids in the school they need to be and are sleeping in your own bed (!) you will feel better. Hang in there, you are a strong women and a great mother!

  • Ariana— I am so sorry you are feeling frustrated and unhappy. I don't know how you juggle all the things you do! I would have gone crazy having to live in a hotel with 6 others — even my family! Hang in there. It will get better once things settle down and you can all have a more normal routine going. Good luck with everything.

    ~~ Lisa D. in FLA ~~

  • Thank you ladies. I had someone respond to me crying with telling me that none of this is hard and the only reason I'm having a hard time is because it's all in my head. It was pretty devastating to be judged that harshly by someone you love at your weakest 🙁
    The PODS are coming tomorrow and a washer and dryer in a week and a half and that' help.

  • From reading your posts and looking at your children, you are such a good mother. Hang in there! Things will get better soon. God Bless you and your sweet family.

  • Why is it that, sometimes, the people who know us the best (and should be the most empathetic, caring, supportive, understanding, etc.) seem to get us the least? So frustrating!

    All in your head, huh? So…you didn't just have a baby, pack up an entire household, manage to somehow still make Christmas amazing for your kids in spite of all the upheaval, uproot your entire family, move to another state, spend hours upon hours looking at homes and making the decision (along with all that comes with it) to rent, buy, rent again? And you weren't confined for weeks (one of which you were completely on your own in an unfamiliar area) in the small space of hotel lodgings with 4 young children and an understandably needy baby – without all the necessities and conveniences of home? And you haven't been schlepping baskets full of laundry (from a family of 7) – with kids in tow and needing to be supervised – to the public hotel laundry area and now to an actual laundromat?

    I am certain there are many more things I haven't even thought to mention…and probably many other inconveniences and headaches that you haven't even blogged about. Good Lord…*I* could cry just thinking about it!! Perhaps the person who hurt your feelings was having a bad day or weak moment of their own. 🙁

    The thing that's amazing isn't that you're having a (well-deserved) moment or shedding some tears – it's that, in spite of ALL that, you've still managed to bring the kids to explore their new library, made time to play in the snow, been out and about getting acclimated to your new surroundings, made time to blog about and photograph your adventures…and that you are sane looking and smiling in the pictures! Whew!

    I second Brooke K, Sarah and Lisa D! Hang in there, Ariana. This time of transition is so hard, but things will settle down once you're able to get back into a “normal” routine. So many are following your journey and wishing you well! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sweet family.

    Chere

  • In total agreement with all of the other ladies. I have been reading all of your daily goings on since you left Arizona, and quite frankly, am in awe. I know for a fact that I would have had a difficult time doing all you've been doing with three children. Not to mention having to travel around with snow falling, and a winter climate. If no one else will cut you a break, then you have to cut yourself a break.

    All of this is most certainly not in your head. I'm sorry that you've been made to feel that way, and whoever did that to you needs to step into your shoes. I wish I lived closer, I'd help you out somehow. Even if it was to help you mop floors, and wash the inside of your empty cabinets. Hey, I'd even match up the socks – and I'll tell you – that is my least favorite thing to do!

    Hang in there! Once the house is set up, and you have all of “your” things, and routines are back to normal, you will look back and laugh (hopefully) at these last weeks. Sending big hugs from NY!!

  • I just wanted to recommend Advanced Pediatrics. I'm not sure if they are near you at all, but we love them 🙂

  • I don't know you but love your blog. I could not have done all these things you have done, had a baby near Christmas, moved, lived in a hotel, husband gone, new schools, new everything.

    Cry all you want to get it out but remember you are strong and can do it!!!!!!

  • everything will work out! everyone has days likes this, and once you are all settled in the house things will start to look up

  • I really sympathize with you. I'm so sorry. I'm in a similar situation now too as you but we moved from the east coast to Arizona. Living in a hotel sucks while trying to find a place to live in a state that we've never been. So hard on your own but even tougher with kids. I've been crying a lot too. Ive read your blog for awhile but since your move I read it & think that's totally me now and I can totally relate to what you're going through. If you ever want to text or chat just lmk.

  • I agree with the other ladies, I am amazed by all you do. Moving is stressful. Having a newborn is stressful. (Not to mention the hormones and sleepless night and changes to your body you go through.) Living in a hotel is stressful. Having 5 kids can be stressful. (I have 5 kids.) Having a high-needs baby is stressful. (My youngest was and is very high-needs.) But all of that combined?! Woah! Every time I read your blog I just think of how I would be curled up in the floor crying all day, every day. That is just so much to deal with at once. And then you continually amaze me with all you do for your family. I hope you're settled in your new place soon and that things get easier. In the meantime, I'm sorry things are so hard right now, you have every right to feel the way you do.

  • I can't add anything as everyone else has said it all so wonderfully! I hope that as soon as you're settled and back into a nicer routine that you will feel a lot better. Is there no way you could hire help even for a few hours a day just to give you less to focus on? I know it costs money but maybe even someone coming in 3 hours a day to do your laundry, or pick up the kids or even run out to pick up meals. Just something to ease your load? Like many others have said I wish I lived nearer (I might be the furthest away in London!) as I'd come and just help or be a shoulder to cry on. You are amazing Ariana!

  • I can't say much more than everyone has said. You are under a lot of stress with so much going on, you can't be perfect all the time. You do an amazing job as a mother and your kids always look so happy and entertained by you. That is the most important thing, that with all this going on, your kids are enjoying it and adjusting. Once you get settled into a routine with all your things, I'm sure you will be fine. I'm sorry you didn't go with the house you wanted, but I'm sure you will feel better once it's clean and you are under less stress. Hang in there, we are all pulling for you!

  • I have five kids too, and I can only imagine how stressful things are for you. Having a newborn is hard enough even without moving, and living in a hotel! My youngest two are 4 and 2, and for a good year after each one was born I struggled so much. It is hard dealing with hormones after having a baby, lack of sleep, super fussy babies, cooking, cleaning, etc and having hardly no moment for yourself.

    I have never once went anywhere (to the store, doctor, etc) with all five kids by myself. I know it would be too stressful! I always wait for my husband to get off work, and we all go together…or I have my mom come over to watch the kids so I can go to the store. I am constantly amazed that you go to the store, doctors, library, laundromat, etc with all your kids! You are doing wonderful, and things will get better soon after everything settles down.

  • Please don't let anyone else make you feel like your tough days and hard times aren't what they are….which is VERY real to you. I've followed your blog for years, and you make me so excited to be a mom someday. I don't know how you do it, but you've got five beautiful children that totally adore you. Also, I think you're totally gorgeous! Whenever I don't feel like doing my makeup or hair in the morning, I tell myself, “If she can make herself look great with five kids, you can do it too!”

    You're an inspiration and doing an awesome job. Keep reminding yourself of that!

  • Oh sister!!! 🙁 My heart truly hurts for you right now! I have always said that I have no idea how you do everything you do! What you're doing is HARD. Beyond hard!! Just moving in general, or having a baby in general, or being in a hotel in general is hard…but everything you are doing ALL COMBINED together…AND food allergies on top of that?!?! I want to cry for you!!! I wish we were closer to each other and you could hang out at my house, or I could take your kids to play for the day or something! You have every right to cry and feel overwhelmed! I just wish there was something we could do to help you! Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that things start looking up soon! Feel free to vent to me anytime!!!

  • Hang in there, you have a lot on your plate, things will get better, I know it's hard to see in the middle of our storms but it will. Kids grow up, I am not about to say “you're going to miss this” because honestly there are many things about parenting we will NOT miss but some things surprise me what makes me nostalgic now that mine are all grown. Blog your feelings, scream to the sky, take time for you even if it is just 15 minutes here and there, do any little thing you are able, daily to just pause. I know there are not that many times right now with a newborn.

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