Rough Day

Allan’s been working late. That’s not new but it is stressful these days. Bedtime is pretty brutal with five kids.

I was either making dinner or doing dishes when I heard the kids laughing in the hallway. I was wondering what they were doing and went to look.
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While going pee Brooklyn was wiggling her feet and the kids were watching through the crack under the door and laughing about it. So weird.
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Everett is having nursing problems. I’m not sure what exactly is going on but it’s kinda traumatic for me. lol
I have an appointment with a lactation consultant tomorrow morning. I’m not looking forward to a “boob” appointment but I am looking forward to some help, advice, and guidance. Everett is only 4 ounces above his birth weight at 4 weeks old. He did gain 9 ounces in the last two weeks so things aren’t like, horribly bad, but he should’ve gained about 14 ounces (one ounce per day) so… he’s not gaining enough.
My blog-friend Amber pointed out it could be due to his lip tie. I’ll ask about that when I see the lactation consultant. Hopefully this all works out because the idea of using bottles makes me cry a lot.

So not last night but the night before, Everett was super cranky. Around 4am I gave up sleeping in my bed and took him to the recliner. He always nurses better when I’m sitting upright holding him in the football hold and compressing my breast while he drinks. Ember, who is still a poor sleeper, woke up, as she does every night, right around then and joined me on the recliner. She’s going through major breastfeeding “withdrawals” and asks to nurse and I have to say no. Mostly because it’s too difficult to nurse her and then have to go wash my boobs (she’s healthy but I still worry) and that requires putting Everett down which makes him cry. So she will pout and put her hand down the top of my shirt and rest it on the top of my boob. It makes me really, really sad. I hate breastfeeding her because it feels awful (must be her teeth?) but at the same time, I have a LOT of guilt for taking away her baby status in the family.

Allan thinks we should be more firm with her and “make” her go to bed in her own room, in her own bed. I tell him I think this transition has been so difficult on her enough that I can’t even imagine forcing her to sleep on her own after three years of sleeping with us. Can you imagine? I know I’m overly attachment parenting to my little kids but it seems straight up mean to teach her to sleep on her own while she’s dealing with a brand new brother and feeling replaced.
So because Allan is dead set on never sharing a bed with Ember again because he thinks three years was plenty, I sleep with her in her bed in her room and it sucks. That bed isn’t big enough for three when one (Ember) likes to sprawl out. haha  photo 008eresized_zpsd634c520.jpg

I finally got Everett to sleep out of my arms for a few minutes. Any time I manage that I sprint around my house cleaning or cooking, trying to catch up on everything. I can’t imagine ever, ever catching up on anything again. Allan sometimes talks to me about packing and the upcoming move (in 12 days!) and all the things we have to do to get ready and I just sit there thinking, “I literally can’t do anything besides keep these kids fed and clothed.”
Sometimes he asks if I can go to a store to do a “quick” errand and I just say, “No.” because honestly, I can’t. Everett hates being out and I can’t nurse him well outside of my home. I told Allan, the max I can do now is one store/errand at a time. I’m burnt out on errands with a newborn along.
Today I have to go to Babies R Us and Sprouts and it’s causing me to stress out! Babies R Us for a nipple shield and some sleepers (baby boy is getting longer every day! haha) and Sprouts for fenugreek. I wish I could just have this crap shipped to my house but I need that stuff today. *sigh*  photo 011eresized_zps6353a477.jpg

4 thoughts on “Rough Day

  • Wow you have a lot on your plate! Hang in there. I hope the lactation consultant can help you and Everett. The most stressful time of my life was when my son wouldn't latch and gain weight and I had to exclusively pump. I cried so many tears over that. Praying for you!!

  • You know, seeing how fussy Everett is and the fact that he wants to eat all the time, have you consider that he might have reflux?
    My first baby was like that. I kept thinking he was using me as his binkie as he would have nurses 24/7 if I had left him. And he would scream if he was in a horizontal position (like his crib). So he ate a lot but when they eat all the time like that I have heard that they basically never get the hind milk (the fat milk) only the fore milk that actually make their stomach more upset. So it's a vicious circle. Baby wants to eat because having sown thing in his tummy is the only thing that makes reflux better but only eat fore milk which makes his reflux worse. Makes sense.
    What worked for is was spacing the feeding a little bit to force him to get hind milk (but not starving him between feeding) and we had to get him on Zantac too.
    Thought I would share this with you if it can help. Does not hurt to ask you dr. 🙂
    Good luck figuring thing out. Not fun when you have already so much on your plate.

  • I think you're doing a great job!

    For what it's worth, I agree with you on moving Ember 🙂 I'm a total coddler. What can I say?

  • I don't know how you are managing with all that you have going on. Hopefully the lactation consultant can help you so that's one less thing to worry about. I still remember when DS was first born and DD was around 18 months old, getting out and to the park with her for 30 minutes felt like a feat! I had all my groceries delivered, I was bottle feeding so anyone could've fed him (hubby did night feeds so I could sleep) and still I barely managed to leave the house so I am impressed you get 3 kids out the door to school each day AND manage to clean your house, cook and run any sort of errand. I swear you're super woman!!!

    Make sure you remember to take care of you. Easier said than done I know. Hopefully things will all feel a lot better once you've moved too xx

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