It was Very Hard

I have no idea how a normal transition from four to five children would go. I only know how my transition has gone and it hasn’t been well!

Payson was just getting over a bad cold/cough the day I had the baby. We figured that’d be a good thing because by the time we came home from the hospital he’d be over it and we wouldn’t have to worry as much.

Except it’s 4 days later and he still sounds congested and Sierra sounds congested and has a cough and Ember is sicker than a dog. In fact, Allan just got home from urgent care with her with some antibiotics for strep. So she has a really awful cold virus and strep, again.

The kids all being sick means trying to keep my newborn away from them! AND as if that isn’t bad enough (it SO is, it makes me cry a lot to keep them from their brother!) I have to try to stay away from them because I don’t want them coughing and sneezing all over me. Which they have so many times already!! I’m constantly washing my hands and arms and changing my clothes. And I’ve done a bazillion loads of laundry because I only have about three items of clothing that work for nursing. I swear my boobs are two sizes larger this time so NONE of my nursing bras fit!!

So I tell them to change their clothes all the time and give them frequent baths and have them washing their hands and I try to let them stand nearby to watch when I do things with the baby but I regret it every time because they end up coughing or sneezing right towards him! Payson and Ember are the sickest and the ones who don’t understand being kept away. Ember washes her hands and then comes up to me all excited and says, “See? Mine hands clean now! I washed the germs off them! I can hold him now!” I’ve taken to telling her when her nose isn’t stuffy anymore then she can hold him!

I’m really missing my baby girl. She and I used to spend all day every day together and I really, really, really loved those days. I haven’t even been able to cuddle her much or spend time with her this week and she’s terribly sick. It makes me cry a LOT and I can barely stand it. I can’t wait until she’s better and I can have her in my lap with the baby all day!!

The baby, who is currently nameless, except almost named (by Allan), is doing really well. I don’t want to talk about the name situation AT ALL so please don’t ask. It’s a really awful topic for me and I’d rather just call my baby “baby” and never think about stupid names again.

The baby latched on RIGHT away after birth. I thought because of his tiny mouth I’d have more problems like I did with Ember but he’s doing SO well!! He latches on and drinks and the only problem is my CRAZY overactive letdown and overproduction. I produce WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY too much milk. I can feed him really well and then pump 8 ounces out in ten minutes. I try not to ever pump because I don’t want to keep my boobs producing too much but twice since he was born I’ve had to because I was SO engorged I couldn’t take the pain and was worried about mastitis forming! Hopefully he’s a big eater and in a week or two he can keep up with the flow! Maybe it’ll help when Ember is healthy and can nurse along with him. I did nurse the two of them together once for a few minutes after she’d had a bath. I was expecting that to be rough but it wasn’t at all. She was adorable and popped off after a minute and with a quivering, worry-ful voice said, “I done. The rest of mommy milty is for baby Evett!” It was seriously so sweet! She’s been the SWEETEST with him and it just kills me!! I can’t wait until she can hold and touch her baby brother! (Oh and I showered after I nursed her which is why I’d chosen that moment to let her nurse alongside him!)

So this sounds super negative, and it has been beyond rough, but we’re all head over heels in love with this boy!! He’s the smallest, sweetest little thing and getting to know and fall in love with him (and not just the idea of him while in my belly!) has been amazing!! I am so overjoyed at having him in my life! I am excited for the next few weeks and months and year of him. I want to keep him forever and ever and am super sad if he’s out of my arms. Which, he isn’t ā™„

Typing isn’t just hard right now, it’s impossible (this is literally the first time I’ve had two minutes with my hands free in four days!) so I will not be updating here very often! I would love to get these memories written, preferrably in my journal, but I just can’t. So I’m letting go of properly documenting his first days (I have taken like so few pictures it’s crazy) and just getting through them! And now, I really need to get off here!  photo 110resized_zps33fcb518.jpg photo 115eresized_zps6c63332c.jpg
PS: I do update a bit more on instagram just because I can do it with one hand and if he’s fallen asleep on me I sometimes have my iPod near enough to grab and post. I’m ariana_tiffany on instagram.

6 thoughts on “It was Very Hard

  • Awww…he is as sweet as can be.

    What a terrible time for cold and strep germs! I am so sorry you have all this going on at a time when all you want to do is love on your new little one and let the kids love on him too! They say there is always a silver lining…so maybe in this case it's the one-on-one bonding time you are getting with the baby during these first few days. Prayers are heading your way that the rest of your kids will be feeling better soon so they can fully share in the joy of having a new baby brother!

    You clearly said you didn't want to talk about it, so I apologize in advance for commenting! But…I hope you can follow your heart when it comes to a name. It seemed you had made a very thoughtful and meaningful decision, so I pray you aren't feeling pressured to change something so dear to your heart.

    Sending good health vibes and blessings your way!


  • He is absolutely gorgeous! I hope everyone gets over their bugs very quickly so everyone can join in with one big cuddlefest. Take care of yourself too xx

  • He is so sweet. Sorry everything else is so difficult right now. Just remember the hard days and the sickness will pass. Can't wait to see more pics. I've followed you since before you were pregnant with Payson. Love keeping up with your sweet family. šŸ™‚

  • He is just a beautiful boy! On the rest, I know that soon when things settle down you will find your rhythm as a Mom of 5. It's not an easy transition at best but to start off with sick kiddos is extra hard. Take care of Mama too, I hope everyone is well soon.~Katie~

  • Those first few days after baby is born are the BEST and the absolute WORST. It's such a blessing to have the baby in your arms but everything else pretty much falls apart. I really hate that part and hope your family gets into the new swing of things quickly. He's a cutie and I can't wait to hear his official name.

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