A warrior’s cat (meow, meow, meow, meow) I’m a warrior’s cat. I like to walk and talk, that’s what I like to do. I’m a warrior’s cat (meow, meow, meow, meow) I have a best friend, her name is Julie and she is really nice. We’re warrior cats (meow, meow, meow, meow) We love each other. We love each other. We’re warrior cats (meow, meow, meow, meow) We love to play, we love to play We’re warrior cats (meow, meow, meow, meow) AND THAT’S THE END!
I’m a normal person. I’m not special. I don’t have any amazing talents or skills or even really anything that interesting about me. And I think that’s perfectly ok.
I’ve struggled this past year or two with feeling like I’m not enough. Everywhere I look there seems to be some woman doing everything I could even dream of and doing it perfectly. And that bothered me. Because if someone else is doing something so perfectly, so much better than I could ever even hope to do, does that make me worthless? Less than? If I can never be as good as, why do I even try?
What an odd thought process, right? Such a waste of time to compare. Who the heck cares what some other woman is doing? My kids love me. My husband loves me. They only want my time, love, and attention. And I can give that perfectly every single time. What a beautiful, freeing realization that was. I only wish I’d had it sooner.
I want to continue to make a conscious effort to not go for perfection. I want my life to be filled with happiness, not filled with something that looks good to someone else.
Today was a good day because I played with my kids outside. It was good because my family ate dinner together and laughed and talked and had a really good time. It was good because when Allan came home from work we hugged and kissed for a long time and that feels really dang good. Today was good because I got to smile and giggle with Ember while she breastfed. Today was good because Sierra and I were cracking each other up after school.
And today was also really bad at times. Mostly because of my own faults and weaknesses. I got upset with the two youngest kids when they were cranky on errands. I got upset with Brooklyn for not obeying me after school. I got upset when all the kids were piled into the kitchen while I was trying to cook.
These are really stupid things for me to get upset over. I’m trying really hard to let things like that go. I succeed a lot but I fail a lot, too. And that’s ok. I’ll keep trying. I’m sure I’ll have failures on a daily basis, if not an hourly basis. But I’ll keep trying. And maybe tomorrow I can really enjoy these moments of this time in my life even more. Because I sure do have a lot of people in my house who love me and I don’t want to waste this season of being surrounded by that. When it feels overwhelming I really need to step back and realize that I’m overwhelmed by love. Even in the moments of my kids disobeying, they really love me. I know it, I know it for sure, and I need to appreciate what a gift that is. I don’t appreciate it enough.
There was a coloring contest held by Allan’s company last month. My kids all entered their drawings and we found out a week or two later that Sierra had won for her age group! The prize was a bike! We gathered the kids outside.
We’d told the kids that Sierra was getting something. (we told them it was an early birthday present for her because we didn’t want them to know that Sierra had won the coloring contest and they hadn’t, but we did tell Sierra seperately that she’d won) Sierra wanted to close her eyes. She was so excited! Ember closed her eyes too!
I didn’t want to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. It was a really difficult week. I was really tired taking care of cranky, sick kids night and day. Then I got really sick which made everything even more difficult! And then Allan got really sick!
It was Sierra who changed my mind about Thanksgiving. She’d sounded so excited about Thanksgiving when she came home from school Wednesday. I told her we were going to skip it and she looked sad but accepted it without a complaint, because she is such an easy going little girl. I stood there thinking, why not? Why not just up and DO Thanksgiving? For Sierra’s sake?
And that’s why, at the very last minute on the night before Thanksgiving, I went to the store to buy a feast. And it was a very delicious feast (thanks, Costco!) and all pretty much premade! I was still recovering from an almost sleepless week, after all! I’m no supermom!
Here are all the pictures I took this week so far.
Allan staying home sick from work. He almost never stays home sick from work. And not only did he stay home, he took some long naps!
This little girl deserves her very own post. But since there won’t be one I’ll just sum it all up with one sentence. She is very tired, very cranky, very clingy, and not in a very good mood these days!
Ember’s preferred napping place is the couch. She’ll now take at least a one hour nap there every single day. I try to give her her naps in her bed, but when she’s slept for two hours on the couch, I don’t have a problem with that! haha
My kids love to be made into “burrito babies.”
I obviously don’t take pictures during family prayers normally but this night was extra sweet because Brooklyn wanted to say a special prayer for Allan that he could feel better and enjoy Thanksgiving with us. That day he’d been extremely sick.
We ate at 2pm! I wanted it to be super early so that a little later when it was really dinnertime we could have a relaxing dinner of leftovers! Allan was reading everyone the menu I’d made earlier in the day, he was so cute about everything I’d done since he knew how sick I’d been 🙂
And he said I should take a picture of it. It was such a little thing (just typed and printed it out) but Allan complimenting me on it and liking that I’d done it (and made the table decorations out of scrapbooks scraps) made me feel good 🙂
Ok, completely changing gears for these last couple pictures. The other day Ember came out of my bedroom wearing my bra! She’d been struggling to put it on (she LOVES dressing up in my stuff!) and Allan helped her snap it and she was over the moon happy! I mean, SO happy!!
She kept pointing to it and saying, “Pretty!”
And this last one was today at lunch. Payson was having seconds and it just reminded me that I’d wanted to talk about how much Payson eats. It’s INSANE! The kid eats SO MUCH. He eats as much as I do. He eats twice as much as his older sisters. He eats probably four times as much as they did at his age! I’m not even joking. It is going to cost a fortune to feed him as a teenager, I just know it!
I mentioned at the end of my last post that Ember threw up just before I was going to go to bed. We got everything cleaned up and I managed to get her back to sleep. I stayed up finishing a load of laundry (because all our towels were dirty and towels are the basic necessity of vomit clean up for me!) and finishing that blog post!
Before I went to bed I went in Ember’s room to check on her and it smelled like diarrhea. I checked her diaper and sure enough, a load of diarrhea. DANG. I carried her to the changing table and she basically stayed asleep while I changed her diaper. Then I took her back to her room and I think that’s when she threw up again. It’s all a little fuzzy now, hours and hours of not sleeping later! haha
So I gave her a bath and washed her bedding and bed and laid down with her on the couch to try to get her to sleep. And mostly to try to sleep myself because it was 2am at this point and I was exhausted. I haven’t been getting enough sleep anyway.
So she would not sleep. She was really upset with me not letting her nurse. Especially feeling so awful, she really wanted to breastfeed. I’m sure her stomach hurting was confusing her- she probably thought she was hungry. And heck, maybe she was.
After an hour or so of rocking her and patting her back and doing other mommy things to try to soothe her to sleep I finally couldn’t stand it anymore and breastfed her. She was instantly asleep. *sigh*
We dozed for a few minutes until I woke up to her throwing up all over. It was just breastmilk which was an easy cleanup. Bath number three and an outfit change for both of us, and then back to the couch for some sleep!
But no. This time she was plain old sad about not being able to breastfeed. I think she knew that breastfeeding meant throwing up and so she just lay on my chest crying and holding her hand over my boob. This time she was crying sadly, “Mommy. Moooommmmeeeee. Milk. Mommy.” It was the sweetest sad thing ever!
I was SO exhausted, of course. SOOOOO tired! But I did everything I could to help her feel better. Sometimes when I’m the most tired I’m the best mom. I guess that motherhood adrenaline kicks in.
She threw up again about an hour later. She was fighting me like crazy as I held a towel up to her mouth. She kept pushing it away and trying to barf on herself. Kids are so dumb when they throw up. Like, really you want to tilt your head up towards the ceiling? That’s really your instinct when you’re throwing up?!
She finally fell asleep for good around 6am. Of course then Payson was up and pestering me and then the girls had to get up to go to school and BLAH, what a crappy morning!
Because I was holding a cranky Ember (she woke up when I got up to get the girls up) the girls made their own breakfast (raisin bran) and got themselves dressed and brushed their hair and all that jazz. I made their lunches while Ember cried on the couch. Then I took them to the bus and came home and turned on Toy Story 3 and tried to doze again. Not very successfully. Oh well, hopefully I’ll get some sleep tonight.Here she is after bath #2 I believe:
I tried to sleep on the couch while the little kids watched TV but only got about fifteen minutes of sleep. I fed Payson (it was about 8:15am) and then nursed Ember while checking facebook. She kept the breastmilk down!
One awesome thing about being the mom is that you sacrifice all that sleep to help your child and the next day all the crankiness has worn off and they feel SO bonded to you and are super affectionate ♥
I showed her the pictures on the back of the camera (she insists) and she points to each of us and says, “Mama, Ember.” And then I ask if she wants to take one more picture of mommy and Ember and she says yeah. And then while I snap she says, “Mama, Ember.” (Her lips are puckered up because she was saying EmbER when I snapped. So cute!
I wasn’t feeling all that great so tired and exhausted looking, but happened to stumble upon a fashion blog (I don’t usually read fashion blogs) by accident and the girl was overweight and looked HOT. She’s like my size and looks a million times better than I do. I always wonder how women my size manage to look SO much better and confident than I do! Why can’t I be that way? So anyway, I thought maybe some red lipstick would make me feel human more than zombie.
It did 🙂
Ember put her water on the table in such a way that splashed. When she saw that she had spilled a bit on the ground she took it upon herself to clean the mess up. Payson joined in. A woman came over to my table to tell me how special it was that Ember is such a good helper and I nodded in agreement. I hadn’t been excited about Ember crawling around on the ground in the process of cleaning her water spill but after that I just let the dirty hands and knees go and enjoyed my sweet helper girl.
And we were pretty sick of shopping and ready to go home and chill out when Payson, without warning, barfed all over himself and the car. He was quite uncomfortable on the drive home, sitting in his throw up. When we stopped he asked me to not only take his picture but to video record him too! I told him for just a second because I really needed to clean him up. He was happy for the ten seconds I filmed him (not sharing it because he’s covered in barf and that’s gross) and thanked me. Sometimes kids are weird.
And then we found a bone and the kids thought that was the neatest.
And a little while later it got dark and we walked back to the car and drove home.
Then we fed the kids and put the older three to bed. Ember wanted to be nursed before bed so I was nursing her while Allan and I watched a Tivo’d Saturday Night Live episode when Ember suddenly threw up all over herself, me, and the couch. We got her and the couch cleaned up and I rocked her to sleep (she was really unhappy that I didn’t let her nurse once more) and now I am going to bed also!