Remember when I had my gallbladder problems and couldn’t eat like, anything, for a long, long time? And then I had surgery and everything was back to normal and food became my BFF? And suddenly, depression not helping, I wanted to eat everything in sight?
And then I gained 40 pounds in a year?
And I outgrew all of my clothes. Because I’m now so super fat.
Well, yeah, that all happened.
And so I was sitting here in my house. Same old same old depressed about being so isolated (sooo many posts about moving soon to come! except not really because that would be BORING. but ONE post about moving coming soon!) and could NOT seem to lose the weight because food was almost the only thing I had left anymore?
I’m going to Washington this week. But I have nothing to wear. Besides stretched out yoga pants. Not cute! So I went to the store the other day for a couple new outfits. I wanted to buy like, ten outfits, but… too much money!
And really quick about our Washington trip: I’m driving there. Four kids and little old me in a car for 26 hours. We’ll stop and stay in a hotel, obviously. But yeah. I’m fuh-reaked out about it. I’m seriously dreading it. I wish Allan could come. I wish I could just go with one kid. But, my kids need to see their extended family. It’s been 6 years since my older girls went to Washington. Payson has never been, hasn’t even ever met my dad! So we’re going Saturday. Yikes! Wish me loads of luck. I’ll need it!
Payson had to go poop.
Diarrhea, to be exact.
Because that’s often for him and his intestinal problems.
So, I panicked because the last time I cleaned out my purse I forgot to put the flushable wipes back in. And wiping Payson with toilet paper, public restroom toilet paper, is the worst thing EVER! I mentioned diarrhea, right?
So I so, so sadly make our way to the bathroom, dreading the next five to ten minutes. I take Ember out of the cart to walk in the bathroom and wonder how in the heck I’m going to manage to hold her and wipe Payson?!
He’s pretty independant in the bathroom these days, but when he has diarrhea.. not really. Not effectively.
So we get in a stall, the only large enough stall for the three of us and… AND… there is NO hook for purses. And I have my GIANT diaper bag that is loaded with heavy things (um, my CAMERA) and so I’m standing there with a squirmy toddler (wants to get down and PLAY) and this huge, heavy bag and this four year old crapping on the toilet and thinking, HOW, HOW will I do this?!
So I put the diaper bag around my neck and swing it to my back and hope and pray that it miraculously stays on my back while I wipe Payson. And I have Ember in one arm (she couldn’t stand on her own because she’d thrown and lost her shoe somewhere during that trip!) and manage to wipe him! How? I don’t even know. But I’m quite proud. And suddenly aware that I have to pee. Like, desperately.
So I decide to go… and now, here’s the thing… when I use the public bathroom with my older girls, it doesn’t matter much. I don’t like it, but it’s just not that big of a deal.
But Payson is a boy and he’s growing up and I’m not comfortable going to the bathroom in front of him. So I tell him to count the tiles on the wall (which he loves because he’s obsessed with counting) and he does except only for like ten seconds and right as I’m wiping he turns back around and I’m totally covered knowing ahead of time that might happen but, BUT… I have a pad.
Because after two years my lovely little period (not lovely, not little) returned!! Oh gosh. I’d NEVER thought about my four year old son seeing my pad! He was only 2 and mostly unaware the last time I ever wore a pad.
So he sees it and says, “Mom, are you wearing a diaper?!”
And suddenly my wearing a pad is the most interesting thing in the world and I’m, surprisingly, speechless. I’ve had this conversation several times with my older girls when they’ve seen my pads one place or another (in drawers or cupboards, or yes, in public bathrooms!) and it never, EVER seemed weird. But sitting there… I had NO idea what to say to him!
I didn’t want to tell him about blood and babies and all that. So I think I said something like, that’s just to keep my undies clean. haha! I don’t even remember!
And now, I have more to say but this is long and likely boring and most importantly, Payson is dying for my attention.
So, next time…