Want to know what I did this weekend?
See, well, geez… this is a post that I haven’t really successfully written yet about moving. Why we are moving.
There’s the first most important reason to me and that’s because I loathe Arizona.
I mean, yeah, Arizona is ok it teensy tiny doses. I’m ok living here a year or two. I can appreciate the very few neat things about Arizona for a short time (oh cactus, how weird are they. Oh prickery bushes and trees and poisonous things and dirt and expansive places and even some mountains over there, hey that’s pretty cool!)
but then the inevitable with me and Arizona happens. I sprint to enjoy living here because this is where my husband feels the most comfortable (Allan was raised in Arizona) and I like my husband happy (of course) but then… I start feeling unhappy because I was raised in cold places. Rainy places. Cloudy places. And I loved those places.
My favorite state is Washington. I remember when I lived there (I was born there and lived there off and on throughout half my life including all of my high school years) people would say, “This darn rain! I hate this darn rain!” except that’s not even close to what they’d really say, they’d really whine like crazy about this horrible, horrible rain. Oh the agony of rain. Oh the end of the world because today is gray and cloudy. I remember thinking they were weird and dramatic. Or that I was weird because I didn’t think like all of them. I loved the rain. I really loved the rain. I still really love the rain.
I like cloudy days and chilly days and cold days and cuddling in a warm house and braving the cold to get to the car or the store or school. I like sloshing through puddles and having wet shoes and needing a hood. I like blasting the heater in the car and snuggling closer in restaurants and movie theaters and church. I like long pants (jeans, preferably) and sweaters and mittens and scarves. I like things that are lush and green and not brown and dead.
Basically, I’m not a desert girl. I’m a forest girl. Through and through.
So a little over a year ago I started getting really ansy to get out of Arizona. I started getting really, really tired of driving a million miles to the store or library or gas station or post office or anywhere else you drive to. We live out of town a ways, quite a ways actually, and it’s a huge pain. I think living this far out of town wouldn’t be so bad if we had something to do out here. Like if we could go on walks or have a garden or animals in our yard or just, something. But we don’t. We’re not allowed to have animals (besides typical pets), gardening in a yard full of scorpions isn’t interesting and walks consist of me frantically looking from child to child making sure they’re staying on the foot wide path and not touching anything because oh my gosh I don’t want them to die. Or get pricked, both seem terrible to me.
Actually I’m not being extreme and overly dramatic, there is a very real chance they’d be bitten by a rattlesnake out here, they’re all over. And scorpions… uuuuuugh, they are all over and I super hate them.
So, I wanted to tell Allan that I wanted to move. But I was really nervous about admitting it to Allan who was/is at the point in his life (and has been all through our marriage, really!) of wanting to settle down and set down roots. And me? No, but thanks for offering. I don’t want to settle down here, I mean, I hate living here for one more day!!
So I don’t remember how or when or why I finally admitted to him I wasn’t happy here. It took some extreme courage, but I did. And as soon as I did it’s like the floodgates of unhappiness opened and I was never the same. Acknowledging how unhappy I’d been for the previous year let all of those repressed feelings spill out. It was overwhelming.
Ever since that day, which was last summer, it’s gotten more and more difficult to stay here. We decided we would indeed move and it’s been such a slow process. Allan needs to get a job in the new state and that state is a place that doesn’t have the best job market. We need to sell our current house and the housing market here isn’t the greatest either. It’s getting a bit better so I really think we will sell our house this summer but it’s just taking longer than I hoped.
And in the meantime, I’m stuck inside this house ALL day EVERY day with four kids. It’s really boring. I can’t even take them on walks anymore because it’s just too hot and all of the worst kinds of creatures come out in the summer. I don’t even spend too much time in our yard in the baby pool or with the sprinkler going because my kids get so fried by the sun and it’s not that worth it. I mean, we do go out and do that stuff almost daily but there’s only so much fun to be had in a baby pool, after all.
So, this long explanation is probably boring but I thought I should just explain the reasoning behind moving for once.
Also something hard for me to explain is my hatred for large homes. Almost no one (actually no one I know in real life!) understands my dislike of large houses. Most everyone likes a big house. Space, upgrades, fancy layouts and all that… it’s not my thing. I don’t want to spend half my day cleaning this giant house. It takes me two hours to mop all the tile in my home. I have a lot of tile and it’s unfinished tile and it’s seriously a pain in the butt. And I know some people don’t mop daily but I was raised that way and am just really not happy not cleaning the floor every day. And if it takes two hours, well, you can see why maybe I would start feeling really resentful of it. Especially when I:
hate large homes.
Why did we move into this home then?
At the time we bought our house Allan liked larger homes. With four kids he liked the space. And I really can’t blame anybody who feels that way. I don’t feel that way but I can see why others do.
I like small spaces. I like feeling cozy and close together. I like not having to buy ten rooms worth of furniture and decorate all that space. I like easily finding a child when needed. I like not spending half a day cleaning. haha
So this weekend Allan got home from an out of state job interview and we went apartment shopping.
We’re going to move out of our big house and live in a tiny apartment and I couldn’t be more excited about it.
I’d prefer a townhouse but an apartment is fine, too. We found a really tiny place (two bedroom, actually!) that’s really, really nice and right now after I finish typing Allan and I are going to do a little bit more research online and we might move next week or next month, I don’t know but soooon! I hope we do. I hope it’s soon. I can’t take much more of being isolated in the middle of the desert anymore! haha (The new apartment is in the middle of a city, wahoo!!!)
So another odd thing I did (you guys probably think I’m strange now) this weekend is take apart Payson’s carseat. We bought this really nice (read: expensive) carseat when Sierra was a toddler because it goes up high on weight so she could have used it until she was five. But all three of my older kids have sat in it at some point over the last 4 years and each of them has hated it because it had this major padding behind their backs and head. It was weird. It made their head stick forward uncomfortably. I almost gave it to Goodwill and took the hit and paid another $400 for a different carseat but in the end decided to tackle it with scissors instead. And Payson is SO happy about it. I simply ripped out all the padding in the back and he can sit back now! He thanked me and seems a lot happier in his chair now 🙂 (It looks super ghetto though, haha, who cares?)
The white part behind his head is soft, it’s like… foamy. And I do plan on sewing some fabric and a teeny bit of padding back onto it, it was just insanely thick before.
Oh and Ember’s seat was inside because I’d just put it all back together from when Allan had washed it after the time Ember threw up in the car last week.