Monday Came Around

Oh Monday. Not my best day.

It’s not as bad as it usually is but it’s just so totally blah.

Did I ever post this picture on this blog? Sierra saw this sticker on a book we bought and asked me for it. Then she cracked herself up by wearing it like this.
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During church on Sunday I brought out pots and bowls and spoons for a jam session with the little kids. They had a BLAST. TOTAL blast. I took a video and will try to share it sometime.
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I really feel like apologizing for how many pictures there are but I could NOT help myself. I LOVE my kids! haha. They’re just so cute and I had the BEST time with them doing this. We were laughing and just having the best time.
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This next one is probably my favorite. I honest to goodness might print this for the wall it makes me smile so much.
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But then again, this one is cute too!
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I love when Payson is sweet to Ember. Oh he is so sweet I almost can’t stand it!
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Ember was banging away and kept looking at me with those gorgeous brown eyes of her like this was the best day of her life. And then when I grabbed her hand and showed her how to bang really hard she laughed SO much. It was so fun.
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And then she realized she could climb on these things.
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And Payson, like he does all day every day, saw her doing something and had to copy. This was cute yesterday with the pots and bowls but usually it’s not cute when he’s helping her unroll toilet paper or rip up books or dump out milk from sippy cups.
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Free Fun Times

Today I was pulling the kids around on Sierra’s blanket. Pulling all four of them was making my thighs burn! I told Allan to come over and try it and see if his thighs started burning. And then when he did it was so cute that I took pictures.
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Ember and Brooklyn’s expressions in that picture are so funny I had to blow them up so you can see them better:
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I think Allan looks so young in this next picture!
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Going on a Hike

Yesterday we drove into the mountains to go on a little hike. We’re all still sick so I thought we would just do a leisurely walk up a trail a bit. Payson ended up having diarrhea and so the walk back to the car was less than fun. We got home and later that night Allan asked me what my favorite part was. I said, “the end.” I then asked him his favorite part and he said, “the end.”

Like so many other experiences we have like that, that go poorly and aren’t enjoyable, the next day (today) we were looking at the pictures together and oohing and aahing over our cute kids and the pretty mountains and it was a happy memory. Though the hike itself wasn’t actually a fun thing, looking back we’re glad we did it and I imagine in a month or so we’ll see these pictures and say, “Hey, we should go on another hike!”
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Thanksgiving 2011

You all know me, I’m not a big holiday picture taker. I really did try hard to remember to pull out my camera but… failed. haha. Yesterday I only took pictures of my family at dinner right before we ate (at 3pm) and that’s it!
Today I snapped some during lunch since we were having leftover Thanksgiving and I also remembered to snap a picture of the kids’ art project they did yesterday.

Thanksgiving wasn’t anything extravagant. I’m sicker than ever today (and yesterday) and really feel like total crap. And I don’t want to go on and on about being sick because after three weeks (is it four now?) it’s getting really old to talk about and I’m sure to hear about! ha

Not a one of us in this family likes turkey so Allan made the decision to BBQ steaks! haha, so not traditional! But it was perfect!
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Dig in!
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Their art projects:
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Leftovers! My personal favorite part!
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Some of Thanksgivings past. I couldn’t resist, I love looking back 🙂
2005, living in Maricopa, Arizona (Allan was 27, I was 22, Brooklyn was 2 and Sierra was born just over a month later!):
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Even then, we weren’t turkey lovers. We had a roast chicken!
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2006, we were living in Texas but flew to Washington to be with my family (Allan was 28, I was 23, Brooklyn was 3 and Sierra was 11 months old):
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2007, living in Spring, Texas (Allan 29, Me 24, Brooklyn 4, Sierra 2, 2 months pregnant with Payson):
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2008: Living here in Arizona, Allan’s parents came over but I didn’t take a single picture! Sad.

2009, living here in Arizona, went to Allan’s parents’ house (Allan was 31, I was 26, Brooklyn was 6, Sierra was 3, Payson was 1 1/2):
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Crafts from 2009:
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2010: We didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. Ember was still tiny and Allan was in South American for three weeks!

Stuff

Today when we were driving to pick up Brooklyn from school Sierra was spelling out words for me. Payson was listening and desperate to join in and says,
“I know 2 + 4! T-A-S-T-4!!”

It was so cute. Then Sierra says, “Spell my name!” And he says, “S-O-O-O-L!”
He can spell his name and ‘mommy’ and he can do basic addition so the fact that he was combining it all like that was so darn cute!
(I love when he randomly says, “P-A-Y-S-O-N” even when he’s playing by himself 🙂

Brooklyn and Sierra love the song Pumped Up Kicks by… uh, crap the group name escapes me. But anyway, they love the song Pumped Up Kicks. I used to until someone pointed out to me what it means (I never understood the lyrics before) and now I don’t like it. But we have it on my ipod and the kids ask to listen to it all the time. And since they don’t know what the real lyrics are I let them. Is that terrible? I just think they’re so cute singing, “All the other kids with the funked out kids, better run better run, faster than my mama…” haha! So cute!

They also love Stephanie Mabey’s If I Were a Zombie! We played it a LOT last month and we’re listening to it just as much this month though Halloween is over 🙂

My current favorite song is Paradise by Coldplay. Gosh I love it! Second favorite is Stop and Stare by One Republic. That song describes my life PERFECTLY right now.

So anyway,
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It’s Sunday and I’m Posting These

Still sick. Suuuper sick.
My kids like when I’m sick. It means they will be screaming, whining, acting like wild animals and creating messes. Fun times.
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Sick baby. She and I are the most sick right now.
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Allan took the older girls to church. I’m home with the little kids. Who are the neediest ones. So lollipops/candy and TV are my friends.
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I look so so so bad this week. No makeup, frizzy ponytail. I feel freaking terrible and I look freaking terrible. But I’ve been doing a photo a day of me or me with my kids so I took this. I hate it. But there it is.
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In other news, Ember is napping. HEAVEN. Except I actually kinda miss her. She and I played together all day so far and she is just SO FLIPPIN’ CUTE!
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I gave her a lollipop because she and I have sore throats and coughs and she can’t have a cough drop. I’ve found any hard candy works fairly well to soothe the throat when there aren’t cough drops available.
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Anyway, that’s all I have. I took those just to have something to post. Allan and the older girls just got home from church so I’m going to go attempt to feed my family. I hate cooking.

not the funnest. in fact the least fun

Only the foyer light is on. Three children are sleeping soundly in their beds.
I am walking laps around my darkened kitchen with a crying baby in my arms.
Her nose is drippy, her throat is raspy, her mood is not good.
I haven’t slept well in… months.
I haven’t slept more than 5 hours (not consecutive or accumalitive) in days.
My mind starts to panic as the hours tick by.
While not in seemingly extreme discomfort she will not stop crying.
She seems like she only has a cold, no need for an urgent care trip.
But didn’t a doctor tell me one time that a child’s personality changing so dramatically during an illness is a sign to bring them in right away??!
What in the world should I do?
I can’t wake all the kids up to go to urgent care or the ER for a stupid cold.
Especially since my insurance won’t cover it if it’s not an actual emergency!
I didn’t mention, Allan is gone. Camping with the scouts.
Flashback to the morning before the endless night I’m typing about.
Allan is packing his car up with camping equipment. He is feeling sick as well. I feel like grabbing him and begging him to stay with me because after all these weeks of sickness and not sleeping I don’t want to be left alone to man the fort. I don’t know that I can do a weekend alone. But of course I will. I’ve done almost everything alone for 8 1/2 years.

So back (forward) to 1am.
I continue to pace and watch the clock. My mood is unpleasant. 2 and 3am are long gone. 4am has me praying. God I am so tired. I haven’t slept in so long and I am so sick. I’m totally alone tomorrow and don’t know how I’ll survive with no sleep!

I’m in her room (Sierra’s old bedroom) now. Hoping the white noise CD playing will help soothe her into sleep. I try to nurse her and rock her at the same time. My back is killing me but she’s calmed down. After a half hour or so I try to put her in her swing. She still sleeps there any time she’s not sleeping with me.
She turns her head to the side and drifts peacefully off. I leave the room with no hope of catching any ZZZs of my own. And sure enough, less than 10 minutes later she’s crying. I go back in to get her and walk more laps around my house.

5am brings a new symptom… she’s feeling hot. I take her temperature and am relieved that it’s only 100. I give her a dose of tylenol and put her in the baby carrier. We walk a million more laps around my dark house.

6am comes around. I lay with her in Sierra’s bed. She cozies up to me to breastfeed. I am convinced she’s going to start crying again in seconds (as that has been the pattern of the entire night) so I lay there still as stone. Tense. Waiting. But she just keeps clinging to me, not really drinking but definitely comfort sucking.
I’m uncomfortably aware that the tissue I have shoved up my own nose (since blowing it often as needed isn’t an option) needs to be changed. And my throat is threatening a coughing fit. The idea of it all panics me and I will everything in my body to fight off these symptoms and silentely, and without moving, deal with it.

Eventually I drift off to sleep. Five minutes later I awake. She is snoozing still latched on. I am excited at the idea of the 30 minutes of sleep I might get tonight! Um, this morning I mean!

My other kids usually wake up at 7am. Sometimes at 6 and I’m so grateful this morning they’re still asleep. And sure enough. I get a blissful 45 minutes of sleep. I wake up excited that I didn’t get zero minutes of sleep. I can function… better… on 45 minutes of sleep than zero… right?

It’s 7am.
My entire body hurts. My head hurts. Everything hurts. Everything is just tired. I don’t feel anything but wanting to just quit and sleep.

Instead, baby finally in a good mood, I start MAD cleaning. Load of laundry, load of dishes, tidy up the front rooms, sweep… I’m SPEED cleaning because this place is an epic disaster. I have to sprint clean any time I can have my arms free.
Thirty minutes later and feeling like a superhero for the progress I’ve made the kids are hounding and hounding about food. I tell them if they clean their rooms while I finish the last bit of dishes we’ll get McDonald’s! It works.

With a much cleaner house I tell the kids to get their shoes and then we’re driving to McDonald’s.

The day goes pretty well after that! I wisely rented five movies last night and the kids watch one. We all sob together during it. No joke. It was Mars Needs Moms. haha

And now the three older kids are outside playing while Ember NAPS (Wha?!?) and I type this real quick. Except real quick turned into way too long and now the kids are back inside whining at me for things and I’m still needing to do another load of laundry and dishes and vaccuum and finish putting away (locking away) some things the big kids got out this week to kill their sister with.

Not really, but really. They got them out to play with but they’re choking hazards/dangerous to Ember.

What things?
Oh like last night before bed Payson half pulled our nice wall map off the wall and left the tacks sprawled out on the ground. Stuff like that :S

I just left for a while because Brooklyn had hit Sierra for not sharing her toys. As in, Sierra wouldn’t give Brooklyn one of Sierra’s toys so Brooklyn hit Sierra.

Brooklyn has been horrible lately. Allan and I talk and wonder/blame it on her cold and therefor feeling unwell and not getting enough sleep but woah… um really? We’ve been extra nice. Genuinely nice to her and she’s been extra extra snotty and deliberately rude to everyone in the family.
Hate it.

And holy crap I gave her a timeout and as usual she started CRYING and then screaming and woke up Ember.

I’m trying not to be mad. I’m trying not to be mad. I’m trying not to be mad.

I have to go. I had pictures to post but… later I guess.

This week

I’ve been meaning to blog here again daily. I really have. I’ve had edited, uploaded to photobucket pictures ready to go, I’ve thought of titles and I’ve sat down to an empty post screen ready to go.
But then I start typing and end up typing too much boring stuff and deleting it and then after five or ten minutes a kid wanders in whining and blogging time is over.

But I’m going to be better about just typing, leaving it and publishing it. That’s what a private, personal blog is for right?

I have to admit I did write three full pages in my journal last night. I have had so much going on and not all of it is stuff I want to share with anyone else. Not even Allan sometimes. I just need to put it all out there somewhere to see it on paper and feel it as it leaves my brain, runs through my body, onto pages. Something about that process of getting it out of my brain and somewhere else… like a purge of emotional build up. And talking/writing/typing about things has always been a way for me to examine what’s really going on underneath all of the surface emotion.

So yeah, journal writing sometimes is the best. But most of the time I can say whatever I want here as well. Journal writing mostly comes in when the topic I’m thinking about is extra boring, like- did I make all the right choices in my life? Was it really a good idea to have all these children? How can I get myself away from this life setup I’ve created by being a victim and passive in my life? How can I become the leader in my life?

BORing I’m sure.

Anyway, again this week I’ve been a bit obsessed with videotaping rather than picture taking so I’m “short” on pictures. And by short I mean not at all short because I’m sanap happy but I do have less than I normally post. Rather than 100 there are 20ish.

ENOUGH JABBERING.

The other day Brooklyn had a half day of school. I picked her up at 12:15 and headed straight to her dentist appointment. She had sealings put on to protect her teeth. She has awesome, healthy teeth so I was surprised that they gave them to her but they told me they’re giving them to all of their patients nowadays. I think that’s awesome!
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So while I took those pictures of Brooklyn I smelled something really awful.
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I always set up double layers of wipes before I open Payson’s diaper. Sometimes wipes get caught up in the wipe box and when you’re holding two legs of a squirmy three year old covered in diarrhea the last thing on earth you want to be doing is struggling with wipes! I typically have to use 6-12 wipes when changing him. It’s not fun. It downright sucks.
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Can you tell that Sierra always choose her own outfits? She is my fashion lover, girly girl. She loves clothes and makeup and having her hair done. I’ve decided to embrace that about her more and let her looks however she wants to look. Sometimes I cringe and want to tell everyone that she dressed herself but mostly I’m ok with however crazy she looks. She’s happy and unique and I’m positive she’ll look back at pictures and laugh and feel… fun… that she was so into it all and I let her be 🙂
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Ember is so cute. I don’t care how little sleep I get because of her or how many messes she makes or things she destroys, I want her to stay this age forever!
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Payson played with these little people. He asked me to be the girl so we played a bit together.
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The kids get special coins that they can then get little toys/trinkets with. The hygenists always give all of my kids one coin even if it wasn’t their appointment. Brooklyn gets two because it was her appointment and got an extra one because she wore her East Valley Chompers shirt. She was so excited with me when she got in the car after school and I had the shirt with me ready to go. “Mom, you brought my shirt! Now I get an extra coin! Thank you!!”
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Ember got the kids’ plastic bubble things. She was excited.
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The sealants tasted funny.
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Group shot after the dentist.
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Showing off their new little toys.
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After the dentist we went to the store for some food for a picnic dinner at the park. (We actually went home first to drop some stuff off and pick some stuff up: diapers, then went to the store and then the park)
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I bought some healthy snacks for me since I’m trying to eat healthy. I have done well for three days and feel pretty good. Except I’m sick to death of larabars and crackers. haha
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I found a TON of gluten/dairy free granola bars and snacks at Fry’s. I haven’t tried out any of those types of things for a year because no matter what ingredients anything says it does/doesn’t have, Payson gets diarrhea from premade anything, it seems. So anyway, these food bars had 100% whole ingredients without dairy, soy, gluten or apples so I bought him some. (I usually only mention gluten when talking about him because it’s the hardest one, but he is allergic to dairy and soy as well and has an intolerance to apples and a few other fruits. But mostly apples. Oh and green beans. haha. Randomness, right?)
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So he has major diarrhea today. And it has lots of those food bar bits in it. Guess trying a new product was a bad idea. Like I thought it would be. But caved and tried anyway because I’m desperate for a quick bit of food for him sometimes. But it’s not in my life plan to have an easy time with cooking. Ever. Sick, dying, I have to cook.

The kids had a blast during the picnic.
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We then played on the playground equipment for an hour or an hour and a half. I didn’t take pictures because I was busy playing with the kids. I did take these two at the very end:
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Ok, my head feels like it’s going to explode from having to think. I’m going to go lay down! haha

Too Late to be Blogging

But I was up with a sick Ember so figured might as well.

I have a million pictures from the last couple weeks. But I just don’t want to talk about them all. So I’m just going to start blogging recent stuff and forget about all the other stuff we did.
Tonight we had fun in the backyard. The weather here is perfection and, it really makes my life a lot better!
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I went back inside the house to get something and had Sierra and Payson stand together for a picture of them with their robots.
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The robots were our craft during homeschool today.
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Ember was still outside (with Allan) having fun playing with rocks.
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Seeing the camera pointed at Ember, Payson wanted another picture with his robot.
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He named it something really funny. I can’t remember though 🙁
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Brooklyn was being her usual crazy self.
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I pointed out that her belt was totally off center (the buckle was near her hip) and she thought that was the funniest thing EVAR.
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And I’m totally exhausted falling asleep so I’m abruptly stopping and publishing and going to sleep! haha
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No Blogging

Because photobucket is being it’s usual piece of crap self and not letting me upload pictures. I freaking hate that site and wish there was another option.

I don’t upload straight to blogger because the pictures come out small and I hate that.

I’m off to Costco for food and to print my weekly round of pictures.