Ho Hum

I’ve been having a rough time lately. I have vented and vented in my journal and I’m sure it’s trickled over onto this blog occasionally. I’m just so upset with the imbalance in my life and how I’m powerless to change it.

And talking about it doesn’t help, so I suppose I’ll just ignore it and pretend everything is happy and fine and I’m not suffering.
That’s what I usually do.

I might take myself (and of course Ember, she can’t be far from these boobs!) to a movie tonight or something. I’m overworked.

The BYU football season started Saturday. That’s pretty cool. Ember got to wear Payson’s old shirt.
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Allan BBQ’d turkey burgers. He did his best and they turned out as good as they get but turkey burgers are just gross. I’m never buying those again!
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Ember can’t leave me alone ever. She really loves me. Even if I’m laying on the ground exhausted (because she doesn’t sleep away from me and wakes me up all night) she will crawl over and sit on my back or my head ๐Ÿ˜›
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I think a family of six is feeling quite large. I never considered four children to be a large family before, but these days- oh my heck it’s large!
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This has nothing to do with anything but I’m on a raw diet right now and so freaking grumpy without chocolate or bread. I could live off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Or chocolate. And here I am living off of nasty fruit and veggies. Fruit was delicious once, now it’s just a chore to eat. I’m sick to death of watermelon and strawberries.
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The diet is to try to cure my stomach issues. I’ve been having stomach issues since my surgery. Probably from having lived so healthily for 8 months and then switching to a normal diet of junk food. Stupid choices made for really bad stomach pain and constipation. We’ll see if the raw food diet helps.
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Doesn’t he look cute? He’s been a terror this week. Cries all day. But then that isn’t abnormal for him, is it?
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Allan fixed our bathroom fan.
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Ember, as always, trashed our bathroom.
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I gave her some tiny little pigtails. They looked funny.
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Ember hung around at my feet while I cooked dinner. Like she always does. She loves to play with the pots and pans. When I looked down she had this strainer on her head!
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I ran for the camera and by the time I came back Sierra had stolen it and put it on in hopes for the attention :S
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While I took pictures Ember crawled over to me.
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And my plan to go back to cooking dinner with two hands? That didn’t happen.
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Allan and Payson played with one of the girls math manipulatives.
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And now I get to go cook. And clean.
What a joyful existence, that’s just what I did this morning! And every day of the last 9 years! YAY!!!!!!!!

3 thoughts on “Ho Hum

  • don't really have time to comment…but just had to say I know I can understand at least a tiny bit about how you feel. I don't have a nursing baby, or a son with a special diet for his stomach, or 4 small children (only 3!) but I feel so exhausted every single day. I know that “snapped” feeling as well. Rusty is SO very helpful to me but I still feel like the job is never ending for me. Those comments like, “Did you enjoy your break…” can certainly set something off inside! lol! It's such a tug of war of emotions isn't it? There is never a TRUE break and it is constantly exhausting and demanding…but at the end of the day when everyone is finally sleeping in their beds, you wouldn't dream of not having each and every one of those snot nosed, whining, clinging little angels in your life! ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol! At least that's how I feel! lol! I totally get more help than you because my mom is so close (next door!!!) but normally…if I get a “break” from the kids, then I am trapped to my computer editing…so that's not a break to me. It is very rare that I get time to do what I want without feeling guilty about the mountain of work still waiting for me.

    …and I said I didn't have time to comment!! lol.

  • I'm sorry, Ariana. I go through phases where I feel just this same way. I've had the same conversations where Tim has referred to my “break” where I went grocery shopping with none or just one child or I went across the street to chat with a friend outside for an hour and a half while the three oldest played outside around us, and I've blown up because if that's considered a break, he is crazy! I tell him what I wouldn't give just to have his commute to and from work once in awhile, where at least he gets to listen to his own thoughts in his head for 20 minutes without constant interruptions, or listen to whatever music he wants without whines for a DVD, and demands from 4 other people.

    This is especially how I start to feel this time of year. I know you love BYU football, but for me it just begins 4 plus months of the year where I have to do more on my own, have less of a break and hardly have any time with my husband. Tim is leaving tomorrow to go on his yearly out of state trip to a BYU away game for 4 days. We haven't gone on vacation as a family (other than 2 days to Bear Lake, and one of the days was spent driving) since 2007. But since 2007 he's been to Florida, New York, Indiana, California, Texas 2 times, Portland…. see, I'm getting myself going now.

    Our husbands work hard to provide for us and we are so blessed and grateful for that and we wouldn't change places with them for the world, right? I know I wouldn't. But every person in the world needs some autonomy. Mom's aren't just Mom's. We're women first. We have first names that don't start with M. We need breaks. Real breaks…in order to re-charge.

    Being a Mom IS the hardest job in the world. And the most rewarding. And I know that you already know both those things, so I'm preaching to the choir. I hope you find a way to get the breaks you need more often. I know venting doesn't change anything, but women are emotional and verbal by nature and sometimes venting just helps, dangit! You can vent anytime! No judgment here. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Mindy, I don't count editing alone as a break at all! That's total work!
    The part about everyone in bed is so true. Heck even just times where we're reading together or something. I just wish there wasn't SO much to do every day. If it was an hour of cleaning and cooking and the rest of the day was JUST for taking care of kids. Wouldn't that be awesome!

    Crystal,
    I can understand about Tim. Allan used to get moody and angry every single game. I finally told him that I was going to start leaving if he was going to be a jerk all weekend. Then he decided to change and he doesn't get too upset during bad games anymore. And the trade off is I watch them with him, which he LOVES. So- it's a fun thing now.

    He leaves for trips and camping and BYU games so much. And by so much I mean not THAT much but more than I do. Of course I never do so more than that isn't much ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I don't mind because he's happier for it. I figure one day I'll get my “turn” at freedom, right? I mean, not according to Kerri my commentor because life is not easy because we're sinners, but you know… in theory I might get a break once my kids aren't so dependant on my boobs, right? lol

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