I feel odd writing about how I’m doing lately. Like, this has all been discussed before over and over. Woman was pregnant, woman gives birth, woman is an emotional basket case.
It’s not very exciting to talk about, is it?
I have good and bad days. The bad days are really hard to get through. I find myself feeling so overwhelmed and stressed and tired and sick that I really can’t imagine going on another hour. I look at the chaos around me and listen to the screaming of one, two, or even three children at a time (I don’t think all four have ever cried at once, thankfully) and feel like breaking down and crying myself.
There are other moments when I’m accomplishing so much and I feel like, wow, look at me go! I’m doing this.
But then it all seems to fall apart around me just as easily as it had been going well an hour before.
I know this is all normal. And I know it’s all boring so I feel like it’s redundant for me to share any of it.
In other news… I’m starving. I’m so so so hungry. I know I can still eat plain bread, pretzels (I do love me some pretzels) and fresh produce but I am SO desperate for some protein and dairy!! I CRAVE meat. I want meat SO FREAKING BAD. Or nuts or seeds or vegetables baked with olive oil or cheese.
I’m absolutely petrified of a gallbladder attack, though. PETRIFIED.
I will live off of water and rice the rest of my life if it means avoiding that pain!!
I have an appointment this Thursday with a surgeon to talk about my gallbladder issues. Up until the last attack I had I was 100% against surgery. Now I’m 100% for surgery! I want to eat normal. I don’t mind eating very healthy, in fact I love healthy foods, but I miss having a peanut butter sandwich or a piece of chicken and a baked potato with, heaven forbid, some cheese on top.
The biggest thing worrying me about surgery is my milk supply and being away from Ember for a day. She doesn’t take a bottle right now and I’ve worked so hard for this nursing thing that if my milk supply was majorly affected by surgery I think I’d cry.
I’m so rambling. How’d I go into rambling mode when I was just about to post pictures and shut up?
So this morning as I was making the kids breakfast my mouth was watering so much! I wanted nothing more than to take a bite of that turkey sausage!!
I’m so jealous of them and their healthy gallbladders. lol
I realized this morning (at 4am, actually) that Ember is three weeks old today! How in the world has it been three weeks?!?
Yeah, so MUCH has happened. So much trauma. But still, still, still, how did three weeks pass by so dang fast?!
Realizing she was three weeks old made me suddenly want to get a really nice picture of all four of my kids together.
(It still feels REALLY weird to say all four of my kids.)
I dressed all four of them up and even spent Ember’s precious short naptime doing the older girls’ hair!
I bribed the kids with candy and they were all in great moods. We drove to this gorgeous trail that I haven’t been to since last December.
But once there Payson would not look at me at all and Sierra, bless her heart, looked at the camera and smiled but it looks totally forced 🙁
That picture above was the best shot I got. Dang it. I am going to have to try again some other day!
I did get a couple individual pictures of the kids that I like. And besides that we had a lot of fun and I felt so rejuvenated getting out in nature and getting a little physical activity and being able to keep all four of my children in line and safe and happy. That’s always refreshing when you can handle your children. lol
Brooklyn so loves the camera. She’d be a great photographer. Or model. Anything to do with a lens. ha
Before getting the kids into the car I stopped and took a couple pictures of Ember on this stone bench.
Anyone else just start leaking milk? No, just me? Ok.
Brooklyn immediately wanted to sit by Ember so I let her and then Sierra wanted to sit nearby, too. And I put Payson there on the end just so that he was a nice safe distance away while I snapped this picture. (Payson is doing SO well with being gentle with Ember but he doesn’t really get that she’s fragile, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to pick her up and carry her so that’s why I want him always a safe distance away if I’m not right next to her myself.)
And lastly I took some “behind the scenes” shots to remember what it was like after the “pretty” shots.
I changed Ember into a more comfy onesie back in the car. The ruffles on the other onesie are a bit scratchy, I think.
I don’t know why but she was SO happy in the car.
Sierra also changed her skirt in the car. She HATES those big fluffy tutu skirts I got the girls. HATES them. lol
Brooklyn fed Payson gluten-free chocolate animal crackers while I finished changing Ember.
Sierra came up to me frantic saying she had to pee SO BAD that she couldn’t wait another second.
We were very far from home and a good ten minutes at least from the nearest store so I told her to go find something to pee behind.
I think we need to learn about the word “behind” because she peed right there in front of that bench. (There were no other people at the trail, luckily. lol)
I had been nursing Ember this entire time while Payson cried/screamed in his carseat. I didn’t want him running around in a parking lot without me so I buckled him in there. And he was really pissed about it.
We got home and I gave all four of the kids a bath together. That was interesting! I took Ember out of the bath first to get her dry and dressed and then she was screaming to nurse so I nursed her for ten minutes and while I nursed her Payson dumped a couple of HUGE cups of water out onto the tile floor.
Lovely moments like that happen often around here.
Ember looked so sweet all wrapped in her blanket with her post-bath fuzzy hair.
She was wanting to nurse in that picture above. I made the older kids dinner and then nursed Ember while they ate. Then I laid her down and went and put the older kids to bed.
I came back and she still looked super cute all wrapped up and soft so I took another picture.
And one more 😉
I love my baby. I love all my kids. They wear me out but I love ’em.