All of These Emotions

I feel odd writing about how I’m doing lately. Like, this has all been discussed before over and over. Woman was pregnant, woman gives birth, woman is an emotional basket case.

It’s not very exciting to talk about, is it?

I have good and bad days. The bad days are really hard to get through. I find myself feeling so overwhelmed and stressed and tired and sick that I really can’t imagine going on another hour. I look at the chaos around me and listen to the screaming of one, two, or even three children at a time (I don’t think all four have ever cried at once, thankfully) and feel like breaking down and crying myself.

There are other moments when I’m accomplishing so much and I feel like, wow, look at me go! I’m doing this.

But then it all seems to fall apart around me just as easily as it had been going well an hour before.

I know this is all normal. And I know it’s all boring so I feel like it’s redundant for me to share any of it.

In other news… I’m starving. I’m so so so hungry. I know I can still eat plain bread, pretzels (I do love me some pretzels) and fresh produce but I am SO desperate for some protein and dairy!! I CRAVE meat. I want meat SO FREAKING BAD. Or nuts or seeds or vegetables baked with olive oil or cheese.

I’m absolutely petrified of a gallbladder attack, though. PETRIFIED.
I will live off of water and rice the rest of my life if it means avoiding that pain!!

I have an appointment this Thursday with a surgeon to talk about my gallbladder issues. Up until the last attack I had I was 100% against surgery. Now I’m 100% for surgery! I want to eat normal. I don’t mind eating very healthy, in fact I love healthy foods, but I miss having a peanut butter sandwich or a piece of chicken and a baked potato with, heaven forbid, some cheese on top.

The biggest thing worrying me about surgery is my milk supply and being away from Ember for a day. She doesn’t take a bottle right now and I’ve worked so hard for this nursing thing that if my milk supply was majorly affected by surgery I think I’d cry.

I’m so rambling. How’d I go into rambling mode when I was just about to post pictures and shut up?

So this morning as I was making the kids breakfast my mouth was watering so much! I wanted nothing more than to take a bite of that turkey sausage!!

I’m so jealous of them and their healthy gallbladders. lol

I realized this morning (at 4am, actually) that Ember is three weeks old today! How in the world has it been three weeks?!?
Yeah, so MUCH has happened. So much trauma. But still, still, still, how did three weeks pass by so dang fast?!

Realizing she was three weeks old made me suddenly want to get a really nice picture of all four of my kids together.

(It still feels REALLY weird to say all four of my kids.)

I dressed all four of them up and even spent Ember’s precious short naptime doing the older girls’ hair!

I bribed the kids with candy and they were all in great moods. We drove to this gorgeous trail that I haven’t been to since last December.

But once there Payson would not look at me at all and Sierra, bless her heart, looked at the camera and smiled but it looks totally forced 🙁
That picture above was the best shot I got. Dang it. I am going to have to try again some other day!

I did get a couple individual pictures of the kids that I like. And besides that we had a lot of fun and I felt so rejuvenated getting out in nature and getting a little physical activity and being able to keep all four of my children in line and safe and happy. That’s always refreshing when you can handle your children. lol

Brooklyn so loves the camera. She’d be a great photographer. Or model. Anything to do with a lens. ha

Before getting the kids into the car I stopped and took a couple pictures of Ember on this stone bench.

Anyone else just start leaking milk? No, just me? Ok.

Brooklyn immediately wanted to sit by Ember so I let her and then Sierra wanted to sit nearby, too. And I put Payson there on the end just so that he was a nice safe distance away while I snapped this picture. (Payson is doing SO well with being gentle with Ember but he doesn’t really get that she’s fragile, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to pick her up and carry her so that’s why I want him always a safe distance away if I’m not right next to her myself.)
And lastly I took some “behind the scenes” shots to remember what it was like after the “pretty” shots.

I changed Ember into a more comfy onesie back in the car. The ruffles on the other onesie are a bit scratchy, I think.
I don’t know why but she was SO happy in the car.

Sierra also changed her skirt in the car. She HATES those big fluffy tutu skirts I got the girls. HATES them. lol

Brooklyn fed Payson gluten-free chocolate animal crackers while I finished changing Ember.

Sierra came up to me frantic saying she had to pee SO BAD that she couldn’t wait another second.
We were very far from home and a good ten minutes at least from the nearest store so I told her to go find something to pee behind.
I think we need to learn about the word “behind” because she peed right there in front of that bench. (There were no other people at the trail, luckily. lol)

I had been nursing Ember this entire time while Payson cried/screamed in his carseat. I didn’t want him running around in a parking lot without me so I buckled him in there. And he was really pissed about it.
We got home and I gave all four of the kids a bath together. That was interesting! I took Ember out of the bath first to get her dry and dressed and then she was screaming to nurse so I nursed her for ten minutes and while I nursed her Payson dumped a couple of HUGE cups of water out onto the tile floor.
Lovely moments like that happen often around here.

Ember looked so sweet all wrapped in her blanket with her post-bath fuzzy hair.

She was wanting to nurse in that picture above. I made the older kids dinner and then nursed Ember while they ate. Then I laid her down and went and put the older kids to bed.
I came back and she still looked super cute all wrapped up and soft so I took another picture.

And one more 😉
I love my baby. I love all my kids. They wear me out but I love ’em.

7 thoughts on “All of These Emotions

  • Those last two pictures are so peaceful, and I love the older girls hair styles.
    Though you may think they're unexciting, your posts are always interesting to me, I have just myself to take care of and even then life can feel so overwhelming at times. I don't know how you do it all!
    I hope your gallbladder issues are worked out soon.

  • Those pics of Ember are making my ovaries ache. lol. I had my tubes tied after our 3rd was born but we can choose to reverse it if we want. (Not really sure about that one yet though.)Loving all of your pics. And nothing on your blog is ever boring. I have always related to you a lot because our kids are close in age like yours are. I find it all inspiring and interesting. Love your photos of all 4 kids. 🙂

  • I love your posts! There's something about reading a post and relating. Thank you for sharing!

    And those pictures in the car are just the cutest, she's so alert! I'm amazed at how well you seem to be getting through the days, with so much to do. Adorbale kiddos and I love your blog!

  • Hi Ariana,
    I am Mindy's Mom, Kelly, (but better known as Guggie) I read your blog all of the time, and I still can't believe you find the time to write anything with 4 children to care for! Anyway, I just wanted to comment on your gallbladder issues. I also had serious gallbladder attacks in the past, so I know what you are going through. I finally broke down and had the surgery. The test done before the surgery was only showing one stone. When the Dr. got in there, he found my gallbladder to be in much worse shape than the test revealed. I have felt so much better since having mine removed. I just wanted to encourage you and tell you it does get better. I also have been wanting to tell you how beautiful you, and your children are! I love looking in on your family and comparing them to Mindy's family. There are a LOT of similarities. It's so funny how I feel like I know you, and yet I have never met you. I hope you get some relief soon. Kelly

  • Ok, I'll have to say something about the gall bladder thing. Take it or leave it (I know most people think I'm totally out there when it comes to my ideas on health, but I know what I know and I hate to see people not be in the 'know'). First off, God made our bodies as *wholes*, not just 'parts', which is how the medical field sees us humans, just a sum of our parts. If we came out of a primordial soup then it might be said we could have some extra body parts that we don't need anymore today. However, if God was the one who created us, well then all of our body parts are neccessary. Before jumping into surgery I would urge you to look into a couple of things. After all once the gall bladder is out, you can't get it back 🙂 And taking out body parts, no matter how small, *will* cause other problems. Probably not in the immediate sence, but it will create problems. It's taken medical science to see that there may actually be a reason for our appendix (it has a role to play in our immunity system), and taking them out will effect our bodies. Anyways here are the two things I would urge you to do:
    There is a reason why your bladder is in the shape it is in. Taking it out now will bring relief for the time being, but what is causing it to be 'sick'? And I am not talking about the fat in foods. Why is it reacting that way to the fat? My sister had some bad attacks a few years ago, her doctor recommended she get it removed. She chose alternative means and now eats full fat milk, butter, meat, etc, with NO problems. Your gall bladder can heal, but it may take a bit of work. Plus, if there is something you are doing (like diet) that is causing your body organs to not work properly then it will only be years from now before you see other problems come up because you never solved the problem. You just put a bandaid on the problem. I'd look up online ways to heal your bladder, always looking for NATURAL ways. By that I mean no drugs, as they only mask the problem as well.
    To speed things up I would urge you to seek out an alternative doctor. I personally favor our homeopathic doctor, as homeopathy actually heals the body, not just cover up the symptoms. And I assure you if your only exposure has been to see the little bottle of homeopathic pills on a counter as being your only involvement with homeopathy, then you don't really know what homeopathy is. I really, really hope that doesn't come across in the wrong way!! Seriously, 99% of the people I talk to about homeopathy have NO clue as to how it actually works. NO CLUE. It is very powerful, and yet you can nurse with NO worry of any effects on Ember. YOu can't get that with conventional meds.

    Ok, enough of my rambling. I just hate to see people go down the wrong path health wise. There are so many people in hospitals that wouldn't need to be there if they didn't follow conventional medicine. And no, I am not opposed to all conventional medicine, but the majority of it only harms us, not helps us. THere is a place for it, and I believe if it is not an emergency, it should be the last resort. But those are my two cents 🙂

    Regaurdless of which you choose, just keep on doing the awesome job you are doing as a mommy to four little ones!!! At three weeks post partum I'm still holed up in my house 🙂 Ha, ha!! I'm due in January, and I can assure you I will most certainly be holed up!! I hate the cold!


    Oh, yeah, and if you would like our homeopaths number just email me. He does consultations by phone. Plus you can call him before your appointment with the surgeon to get his opinion if homeopathy can really help you out in your situation. (It might not be able to, I don't really know. I do know that it can help with a LOT of stuff!!) He'll let you know, honestly, if he can help you or not, and how quickly you will see results, etc.

  • Eat what you like. Your gallbladder contracts to release bile no matter what foods you have ingested and an attack can happen at any time. When I had mine out I found out that many people have gallstones but not all people with gallstones will have gall bladder attacks. Weird, huh?

    Please do your research carefully if you decided to “diet” your way out of this condition. A blockage due to a gallstone can be quite serious. For the large majority of people, the surgery is quite safe with no long-lasting side effects.

  • Aw, your new header photo is GREAT! :o)

    I've been following your blog for a while now. I, too, am amazed that you are able to take pictures and blog with everything else you have going on! I draw inspiration from that on some days. That it's at least something possible to attain. 😛 Your family is lovely. I appreciate your honest writing, too. Sharing the good and the real.

    I'm sorry you've had such a rough time physically since Ember was born. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

    I hear ya on the post pregnancy mood swings. My daughter is 6 months old and I remember bouncing from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other multiple times a day. I enjoyed the blissful high swings, but ugh, the lows were really low. Bleh. I think I pretty much evened out around 6 weeks. o.O

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