I didn’t take any pictures today. And this is all talking.
I started feeling really lucky last night. Really, really yucky. My body ached so bad and then I got severe chills and was *freezing* and felt so weak I could barely lift Ember.
I figured I was just exhausted from no sleep and maybe having a hormonal surge causing the chills.
The next morning (this morning) I was feeling even worse. I was SO COLD. Anyone who knows me knows I’m very rarely cold. I knew something must be wrong so I eventually took my temperature.
It was 102 so I called my doctor.
By this time my body hurt so bad I felt like I’d been hit by a truck.
I scheduled a doctor appointment for the afternoon and Allan called just then and heard I was sick and said he’d come home early (today was his first day back at work) which I was thankful for. He came home around 3pm.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I figured I had a kidney infection or something. My boobs hurt but I didn’t think I had mastitis. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m so used to the pain of engorgement it didn’t cross my mind that something was wrong.
So we saw my doctor and he did a full exam (so glad that my bleeding is so light that the vaginal wasn’t embarrassing! lol) and as soon as he pulled my shirt up and saw my red boobie he was like, oh yeah, mastitis! I hadn’t noticed the redness because really I hadn’t spent any time staring at my boobs today. lol
I have the typical wedge redness. I guess that’s common for mastitis.
So I got antibiotics and started taking tylenol. I just woke up in agony now (1am) and pumped on the infected side and am about to go wake up Ember to nurse on the other side and I’m hoping I can get a solid two hours of sleep after that! That would be heavenly.
Ember’s still having a lot of problems nursing. Mostly at night. She latches on alright during the day but at night she’s so sleepy and lazy that she doesn’t want to try and ends up screaming into my nipple. lol
Every single night I decide that’s it, no more nursing!! And then the next monring she latches on fine (still only on one side) and I’m like, oh this isn’t so bad.
Tonight I was feeling depressed after my doctor appointment. I was in a lot of pain and feeling so very overwhelmed from all the responsibilities needing to be met. I told Allan, I’m pretty sure I have post partum depression. I just don’t want to do all this work.
He gave the kids dinner while I pumped and nursed Ember. Then he put them to bed. I am SO THANKFUL for him picking up the slack!! He goes above and beyond… cleans, cooks, does all the childcare stuff, changes Payson, everything! He’s been a true life saver for me.
So after he put the kids to bed he started making us dinner while I again nursed Ember. He made a yummy salad and grilled hamburgers. It was so so good.
We sat outside on the porch talking while we ate. The weather was heavenly (80s this week!!) and the sky was gorgeous. It was dark but we could still see the intense clouds.
We came inside around 9pm and no matter what I tried I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I fell asleep on the couch nursing Ember. I hate doing that because I really don’t feel like it’s safe! She’s now in her bouncy chair in my bedroom sleeping soundly. I was disappointed that I had to pump before going to sleep myself, but hey, I got all these thoughts down! First time I’ve really recorded anything I’m going through right now.
I really need to start doing some schoolwork with the other kids soon. It’s been two full weeks since we did anything REAL.
I just heard Ember squak. YAY! Better go nurse her and go to bed! Sleeeeeeep. Love sleep.