This is a very long, very journal-like post. I mostly wrote it for myself because hello life you can suck a lot sometimes and this, this ↓ long story is why! (There are some pictures at the end if you want to skip ahead to them!)
We needed produce and eggs.
I gathered the kids up. I dressed them. I brushed their hair. We piled into the hot car in our hot garage and headed off down the highway.
We arrived at Costco. Costco is the best place around here for produce. And eggs. And bread.
The kids were hungry and I thought it was a great idea that they were because we ate lunch before shopping. In my mind this brilliant idea would insure full, happy bellies while shopping.
Payson was hungry. Too hungry to wait for me to pay.
To pay and then fill our water cups and then get napkins and heaven forbid… straws.
That is five minutes of hunger that was too much for him and he let me know this very clearly by screaming at the top of his lungs the whole time.
Next time mommy will bring snacks for the five minute wait.
We finally sat at a table and got everything set up and started eating.
Despite me cutting Payson’s hot dog into tiny bites he started choking. When he chokes he cries until he coughs it up and then he screams. Oh how he screams.
Why was he choking?
I was giving him one little piece of hot dog at a time. He didn’t think that was good enough and lunged and grabbed a handful, full, of hot dog pieces and shoved them all in his mouth and then chewed once or twice and swallowed.
Have I ever talked about how much of a glutton this child is?
So once he’s choking I bend him forward and smack his back until he opens his mouth and I pull all the food out of his mouth with my finger.
His only thought after all of this is how terrible a mother I am for taking his food and he lunges forward to grab the spit-out food off his plate and shove it in his mouth again.
The food is nasty (I won’t go into details because, yuck) so I throw it away! JUST THAT BITE.
There is still the majority of his hotdog left but he doesn’t care at all. He’s screaming.
As he’s screaming he has drool and little food bits flying out of his mouth so I wipe his face.
He hits me and screams, “let go!!” (his favorite thing to say to his sisters to get them to get away from him) and so I put the napkin on my empty plate.
He wants that napkin.
At this point I’m feeling like throwing everything on the table in the trash and heading home.
But I drove over 30 miles just to go to Costco, people, that won’t work!
So I take a second to shove down all my frustration at his screaming and crankiness and I tell him, “Payson do you want the napkin?” And I hold it out to him and continue, “then you be nice to mommy. You be soft to mommy. Say, ‘napkin, please.'”
He pushes the napkin away but has calmed down.
I put the napkin back on my plate and he whines.
I don’t look at him.
He says, “kin, peez?”
I hand him the napkin. He finishes his food while the girls and I sit and wait, giving each other raised eyebrow looks and glancing at the people around us to see if his (in total) 2 minute freak out had been as annoying to all of them as I was thinking.
No one seemed to care and most people smiled at me.
Payson finishes and I stick him back in the cart and buckle him in and he gives me a huge smile.
I tiredly head over to do some quick shopping.
We have to stop at the book section because… *ahem* I have a little bit (lot) of a book problem.
I spy some freaking awesome sticker books for $7.99 and immediately put them in my cart. I think I’ll return the ones I got for $12 and $14 at Target! Woohoo. (Sticker books are great for the kids while I have my OB appointments.)
While I’m putting the sticker books in my cart Payson has grabbed a book off the shelf, opened it and torn out a piece.
The book is a $7.99 piece of crap pop-up book. UGH. Why does he have to ruin a piece of crap book? I wouldn’t even mind that I’m forced to buy something if it was nice but this was honestly the stupidest book in the children’s section! Grr.
I head away from the book section to go get produce. We get berries and broccoli and lettuce.
Then we go towards the frozen section for eggs and I cringe as I see the employees lined up with samples. I HATE samples. They are almost never gluten free and if the girls get one Payson FREAKS out and if the girls don’t get one THEY freak out. 😛
There are rice chips on one table so I tell them they can have those. That makes them happy. Whew.
And I buy the rice chips because any quick snacks for Payson are awesome.
I hurry as fast as I can to the eggs and grab a carton (18 organic brown eggs for $5!!) and then get the heck out of there.
In the baking aisle I grab a bag of sugar and Payson stops chewing on the bag of rice chips (yes, chewing on it, trying to open it) and throws the bag out of the cart angrily. And the second it hits the ground he starts crying, “Chips! Chips!”
I put the chips in the cart and he whines louder, “Chips! Chips!”
I tell him, “Payson we’re going home. We’ll eat chips at home.”
He calms down and says, “Home, chips!”
So we checkout and the girls fight over who gets to hold the receipt even though we were just at Costco on Monday and Brooklyn is well aware that it’s Sierra’s turn.
Brooklyn attempts to fix this problem by handing Sierra everything in sight so that Sierra’s hands are full so… she can’t hold the receipt.
Sierra realizes Brooklyn’s plan and starts to cry.
I take the crap from Sierra (a lollipop stick, the ripped out pages from that stupid book Payson ruined, and a stuffed bunny) and give her the receipt.
Brooklyn stomps and pouts all the way to the car.
It is 108 degrees.
I load the groceries into the car, get Payson buckled while the girls buckle themselves and head out of Costco. Relieved to be going home and hoping that the air conditioner actually starts blowing cold air soon.
And then a few seconds later I remember I need to get gas.
I do a u-turn. It’s clear on the road and I don’t even turn fast at all but the eggs, which I’d set on the top of the raspberry box in my hurry to get out of the parking lot, go flying off the seat onto the ground below. The box is open and I see egg dripping down.
I pull over in an empty parking lot and feel extremely glad that I just restocked my diaper bag with baby wipes, disinfectant wipes and tissues yesterday! And only one egg broke! Miracle.
I clean it all up… did I mention it’s 108?
The smell of the raw egg makes me gag. I don’t know what to do with the egg carton because it’s leaking.
I take the cartons of raspberries out of their box and put the carton of eggs in there.
I climb back in the car and turn around to go get stupid gas.
It’s hot. I don’t want to get out of the car and stand in the sun 🙁
Finally I am done and finally I drive home and ten minutes into the drive the air conditioner finally starts to blow cold air.
Payson falls asleep on the way home and the girls are pretty mellow.
That all ends when we get home.
I pull into the garage and tell the girls (like I do every single time we get home), “Go in the house, do not stop in the laundry room.”
They always stop in the laundry room (where our garage door leads) and just stand in there, right in the way as I try to unload groceries!
So, as they’re going inside they’re asking, “Mom, can you get me water, I’m SO thirsty. With ice! And I need a snack.”
“Mom, can we read a book? Can we play with our new sticker books? Mom, can we color?”
I tell them, “Go get yourself some water and when I’m done unloading the groceries I’ll add ice to it. Don’t ask me anything else until I’m done bringing the groceries in.” (The cold groceries all have water droplets on the outside of them and feel room temperature and all I want to do is get them in the freaking fridge!)
I get Payson out of the car and set him in the house.
He stands inside the door crying. Like always.
I just need to bring in the few cold items and I’m hurrying. The girls have started up asking me questions again.
I am carrying one of the boxes piled with food in when Payson runs at me, knocking a huge box of yogurt off the pile onto his own face.
And he starts screaming, of course.
I set the box down and pick Payson up.
The girls are still asking me for things even though they are watching everything including their brother get hurt! Who cares, they want to color!
I say (yell), “The next person who says one word to me goes to bed right this second and I mean it!”
I go get Payson a cold bottle of rice milk and strip his clothes off.
He sits with me rubbing his eye and I’m relieved when I see that the only cut he got is on his eyebrow. The yogurt box was heavy! Freaking dangerous.
Once he’s calmed I put ice in the girls’ drinks and give all the kids raspberries. The girls also get yogurt and Payson gets a boiled egg.
I put away all the cold food and get myself a glass of water. The kids have eaten all their food and Brooklyn tells me she can smell that Payson’s pooped.
I change the 30th diarrhea diaper of the week. Payson, as he always does, kicks me in the stomach while I try to clean his butt and I get poop on my hand.
I wash my hands, finish putting away the not-cold food and give Payson a book and give the girls some worksheets and get myself some raspberries and sit down to type.
The kids interrupt my less than ten minutes of typing about a hundred times. Ok, without exaggerating at least 25 times. Sierra can finish a kindergarten worksheet in five seconds and Brooklyn likes to talk nonstop while doing hers. Things like, “Mommy, I’m writing an ‘a’ on this paper because I’m writing sand.”
And if I don’t respond with something better than, “great, Brooklyn.” she’s not a very happy child. *sigh*
And it’s now 5:30pm. I have to freaking make dinner now. I am so tired!! I honestly want to go to bed right this second and I could and I would be asleep in ten seconds and I would sleep through until… 4am when I wake up every single stinking morning not able to sleep anymore because of my leg cramps.
And this is my life. The End.
(As I loaded the pictures to this post with Payson on my lap I was tickling him and he was giggling like crazy and my gosh it’s the cutest sound in the world.)
So those pictures? I managed a few surprisingly…
Watching the muffins being packaged at the Costco bakery.
Watching muffins being packaged is very thrilling.
Payson in front of racks of poison.
“Yeah I threw those chips on the floor. What are you going to do about it?”
108 is 30 degrees too hot for this 7-month pregnant lady.
“Why do you have to bring the food in? Why do you torture me so, mother?”
Brooklyn said of her greek yogurt, “My yogurt tastes like barf.” But she ate 2/3 of it so I guess barf is tasty?
I love that my kids love raspberries!
I’ve never been so happy to see a cut on my child’s eyebrow. So thankful it didn’t get his eyeball!!