I’ve had a hard time this year knowing where the line needs to be drawn when it comes to blogging.
Specifically when it comes to talking about my kids.
More specifically when it comes to talking about my kids’ bad behaviors.
And even more specifically when it comes to talking about Brooklyn’s bad behavior.
I think ages 5 and under you can pretty much blog about anything and it really doesn’t matter because the kids are so little that anything they do can be shrugged off as a little kid quirk.
But then Brooklyn hit five and suddenly it seemed like maybe I shouldn’t share this weakness or that of hers with the public. And that’s how I’ve felt the past two years and I find myself sharing less and less about my struggles raising her.
Which is fine, I don’t really need to vent on my blog about her bad behavior. But I think not talking about it here gives this wrong impression to some of you that I don’t have challenges as a mom. That I’m doing it all and everything is happy go lucky.
If I spoke openly about my struggles with Brooklyn I’d probably seem to many of you a lot more… weak? Normal? Human?
I don’t know what word I’m looking for but basically I do have a very hard time during much of my day.
I do a lot with and for my kids, yes, but there is so much left undone and so many struggles I have. I struggle to be happy cooking for, cleaning up after, and teaching a child who acts so awful in return.
I could go on and on but I’m already reaching that point where I feel like I can’t put anymore about it out there.
I do feel like I share a very accurate portrayal of my life here, don’t get me wrong. I will blog about a really hard day, I’ll talk about how sick of cooking and cleaning I am (I am SO sick of cooking and cleaning!) and I’ll talk about how tired and yucky I feel. But I don’t go into specifics because I feel like it betrays my family’s personal space.
I’m not sure where I’m even going with this post. I suppose I am having a really hard time emotionally this week despite how much I accomplish every day and I feel the need to share that here along with all the things we’re getting done.
I luckily manage to have a good attitude throughout most of my days. I’ve become pretty good at shoving all the “yuck” deep inside while the kids are up.
But when the kids go to bed I slump in my chair or on the couch and feel so drained I don’t want to move or speak for several hours. Sometimes I sit on the shower floor with the water turned as hot as it goes and cry. I try to let it all out at night but many mornings I still feel trampled on and drained.
I pick myself up and go go go to meet the demands of my job as a mom but inside I’m struggling.
So, when I post adorable pictures of my kids just know that though I was hanging out with them and we were having a great time, moments before Brooklyn was being extremely rude to Sierra, Payson was screaming while I changed his diarrhea-filled diaper, Brooklyn was yelling at me that she hated me because I sent her on timeout for not finishing her chores or a million other things like that!
The girl has attitude. Let’s just leave it at that!
They fight a lot but they play and love each other a lot, too!
And though they get frustrated when their brother destroys their toys or rips their books, they ADORE him and can be so super sweet to him. They both dote on him like little mothers.
Payson is still a toddler but ever since I bought those baby gates he has been a lot easier. Sure sometimes he gets cranky and he’s not the best at following directions, but he is not actively trying to be naughty and spends the majority of his day playing nicely with his toys.
Sierra annoys Payson to no end but I think it’s because she really wants his attention, because that girl really loves that boy.
Things got SO bad around here that I actually packed up all of my kids’ toys and put them into storage. I let each kid keep two toys out. These two are the ones Brooklyn kept. The bear’s name is Roger and the other one is LuLu, named after her baby cousin.
She wanted a picture on her bed. Payson wanted to be included.
They’re very silly children.
Payson, having seen his sisters do it so often, has started doing the head tilt and smile for the camera.
She can be so very sweet sometimes.
These two have a really special bond. He idolizes her and she babies him.
I’ve made a huge effort the past few weeks to give Sierra lots of quality attention because being the middle child and so calm and easy going, well, it’s easy for her to get lost in the shuffle.
But I will not let that happen! She’s my sweet girl and I am in love with all the time we’re spending together while Payson naps and Brooklyn reads her school books 🙂