Payson is Driving me CRAZY!

Seriously I’m losing my mind with this kid! For 4 months I’ve had to take care of him and it’s abnormally difficult. He refuses to drink a bottle now and thrashes and screams and kicks and pumps his fist and sticks his tongue out as far as he can so I can’t put the bottle in his mouth.

The rest of this is VERY long and VERY “ventish” so I wouldn’t bother reading, but I’m NOT going to delete it because I want to be able to look back and see what I had to go through.

I’m so sick of the doctors I saw that refused to even THINK about reflux and demanded that we wait until he’s 3 months old to start looking into things. I’m SO pissed at them. I’m SO mad at my phone that can’t keep a signal out here. I’m going to WalMart today to buy a home phone and phone card and I’m tempted to throw my cell out the window and drive over it! Aaaargh!!

I’m sick of holding a squirming fussing baby all day. I’m sick of him not being normal. Brooklyn was a hard enough baby- NORMAL hard- high maintenance hard, but at least she’d calm down if I held her or nursed her.

Payson just sits and squirms and SQUIRMS constantly. Mostly he arches his back and cries. Seriously, guys, he has every symptom on the silent reflux website and I’ve TOLD doctors that, but they were DEAD set on not doing anything until he’s the magical 3 months old because it might be colic. Well, colic is just a word that doctor’s throw out to be lazy. Stupid doctors.

The next doctor I get will be grilled with questions before I settle down with one!! Like- um, hey are you gonna let my baby cry hysterically for 2 months and then cry and fuss constantly for another month just because you have that happy little label called COLIC floating around?

Yesterday afternoon he was doing ok for a while and I thought maybe I was getting lucky and he was going to be good for a few days, but NOPE, he’s been TERRIBLE this morning. He just cries and fusses and squirms. Then I’m so mad at him I just stick him in his bouncy chair since holding him obviously doesn’t calm him down and I’m staring at him wondering what in the heck is wrong with him and then he gives me a huge grin. Then two seconds later he arches his back and starts whining. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!

I tried calling on both my phones to the doctor and 4 times, FOUR, my signal gets cut out in the middle of the conversation! Ugh!
So- I have to waste $5 in gas and drive into town just so I can make a phone call.

Really I just feel like going into a coma I’m so tired of all this. My life has been SO hard. I feel like I complain constantly, but man- I’m so sick of holding a baby every second of the day. And really, holding a baby isn’t that bad for me- my back hurts but not that big of a deal, but holding a CRANKY baby is frustrating. Never knowing what’s wrong with him is frustrating.

We finally got our insurance information a few days ago for Arizona, which is why just now I’m getting to schedule a dr. appointment. I’m just SO worried the doctor is going to shrug it off since he’s “gaining weight”. That’s all they care about- that he’s fat. Well, he’s fat because of hours and hours of effort on my part. Sometimes he hasn’t eaten for 6 hours and I KNOW he’s hungry because he’s chewing on everything in sight and crying. I have to sing and rock him and hold the bottle PERFECTLY just to get him to drink and then he only drinks 2 or 3 ounces! Aaah!

He does drink really well at night which is why he’s so fat. He wakes up every 2-3 hours STILL and drinks 6 ounces each time. I’ve been giving him baby food the last couple days just so that he shuts up from hunger. He likes apples and oatmeal, but then he freaks out when he poops because those cause more action in your intestines and he’s extremely sensitive about the slightest bubble in his stomach.

I’m so sick of babies! I feel like going down tomorrow and getting anything and everything that’s even remotely associated with reproduction removed from my body. Stupid uterus.

Well, I REALLY have to go because Payson is crying. Imagine that.

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